Crush of the Week

In threes, you bastards!, I am a murderer

2008-08-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

In threes, you bastards!. Two weeks ago i made an emergency trip to close some old family wounds with an ill Grandma. Since then, she has passed. RIP Shirley Wilhite. My mom's mom. She made the most amazing mashed potatoes and seemed to truly love her family. My grandmother's death has drudged up many feelings about my mom's passing that have been dormant for such a long time. I am now reminded of the unfortunate fact that life is fleeting and we must enjoy the wonderful people that enter our lives for as long as we can. our opportunities are finite.

My friend Janeane just lost her sister at a young age. RIP Amy Fisher, you were way too young. Coincidentally, we are both going to memorials in different cities on the same day for different people. Sophie just received a text message saying that another woman that is way to young from her past life in Girl Scouts was diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. She is not expected to live long. Apparently she was an amazing camp counselor and truly excelled in mentoring young girls. We need mroe folks like that. RIP.

I am a murderer.
Do to a misreading of the label on tap water treatment chemical in my fish tank, I have killed all three of our remaining fish. i am so sorry Egon and to nameless offspring.

By my count that is four. And I would appreciate if death this close to me would limit itself to 3 visits in one week. I am well aware of the direction we are all heading. I am quite content with my own mortality without you smakcing me in the face time and time again. It can get a little overwhelming to process. And it would be nice if you could give me a week or two before you visit again. At least.

Cheers,
Jeffrey

And then it was gone

2008-07-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

This Saturday I visited my grandma after a 5 year break in relations(since my mother's memorial) 2 month ago my other grandma passed way. While at her memorial, my grandpa Wilhite showed up and informed me that my Grandma Wilhite condition had gotten much worse. He invited us all to visit her soon because time was growing shorter. A few weeks ago her steadily worsening condition started to prompt an uneasiness amongst my brothers. We sent my brother Clint in on a recon mission. He was the closest to the hospital and he had an adorable new daughter to introduce.

At the first moment I had open to visit, I borrowed a fuel effecient car and made my way south. It was a very long and nervous car ride for me to Portland. I had arranged to meet my brother Brian in Portland where we would consolidate and make our way to the ICU ward that my grandmother was staying in. We bought 'mums which we had to leave outside. no flowers were allowed in ICU. Many of our cousin's were there with kids, one of them pregnant and due a few days later. My cousingMadelience was there. She had been keeping me up to date on my Grandmas condition.

when we arrived in the room, all of the past and good and bad memories were gone. There was just the moment. my grandma, through her oxygen mask, tried to apologize for the distance between our parts of the family. Brian and I both answered the same way. I told her I knew it was more complicated than anyone involved meant it to be. But we are family and I love her. There was no reason for apologies. I told her about my wonderful new relationship and my experiences in Opera and bands. She seemed very excited about music. It was such a sweet conversation. And I felt many years of frustration and resentment melt. This fragile lady was moving towards death and she was my sweet grandma. And this was a very sad situation. i only hope that her journey through this stage is as painless as possible. I hope not to waste any more time on needless family squabbles.

Grandma was hooke dup a an oxygen machine and

32, Alan Alda

2007-10-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Today I logged into KUOW internet radio and to my suyprise I heard what I thought was a familiar voice. I could have sworn it was Alan Alda. And I suddenly got a warm feeling in my gut. As he told about the horrors in overseas news, I felt happy. And when the corresponent chimed off I imagined he said :This is Hawkeye, for NPR News." I am sure the name they gave this guy was not the correct one.

Saturday I turn 32. And I looking forward to a lovely evening. I will be surrounded by good friends and I will be shaking a tailfeather all night long. It should be fun.

I have been listening to enironmental scientist after environmental scientist lately. And their reports are more than enough to inpire an earth-sized form of suicide lust. There were some positives. The new economy of the next decade will be the transistion of all energy sources. The Compressed air car. "Hot Rocks" in Australia. Well. I will hold off slitting my wrists and continue to drive less and recycle. And hope tha tin the next twenty years this world does something to reverse the trend. It might be too late. We might be on our way to living on a hostile planet. Or we might actually live up to our potential.

Heart,
Jeffrey

dreamburgler

2007-10-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

I had this rather involved dream last night about living a this awesome college style house. lots of roommates and a practice space in the basement. Apparently we were a little to loose with the locks at this place and we cam home to someone having sotle stuff. More importantly they only stole my guitars. The only irriplacable things. Then as the dream continued I found everything that was missing. I give my imagination and subconcious a 1.5 on this dream. It bored me and stressed me out. I think I need to eat spicier food or drink more befor eI sleep. Maybe I will watch a horror movie and have some sort of childhood nightmare. I mean, really. If I am going to remember a dream it better be worthy of at least a mini series. This didn't even break gorund of a Fox News Report. Though if you added that it was the dream of as neo socialist commie pinko liberal gigilo it might make for better rhetoric.

In other news Elvis Costello is slowly sneaking into my songwriting. I am quite into hooks and the more I allow mysefl to write rock and roll and play into this catchy melodic frontier the more I sound like the brit songwriter. This is strange because people think I have his glasses and beard too. But, honestly. I do not own a record and I only hear him on the radio. I like his music, but do not idolize him in any way. I am more of a Niel Diamond man myself. or Serge Gainsborg. Or Patsy Cline. If I start looking like her, then god help you all.

Cheers,
Jeffrey

Birthday month begins...

2007-10-17T12:31:00.001-07:00

I have started late this year in promoting my birthday month. Many good friends have been having birthdays and I have been trying to catch them all. I know way too many scorpios, libras and Sagitariuses. Anyways. The day approaches. November 3rd. And though last year it was amazing to have a CD release and see literally almost everyone I know in the Seattle area, I think this year will be on a slightly lower key. And by slightly , I mean this: I am not puting on a show. I want to participate in my birthday not organize it while it happens. My birthday also coincides with the clsoing of the Bus Stop and my 6 month aniversary with Sophie. So there are many sad and happy reaosns to celebrate. Plus, my birthday is on a Saturday which is spectaculous! So here is the deal. I want to have people over to make food at my place beforehand, or maybe even we can go out to dinner. and then I would like to gether at the Bus Stop by 9 or 10 PM to drink and dance like an idiot. The Bus Stop is not the perfect spot for dancing, but as I remember on my 30th it got pretty dirty and dancy in there. so let's hope someon is spinning some booty shaking music.

I other news, I have been writing songs again. Rosyvelt has been practicing consistently and some fabulous stuff is abound. I really like taking breaks in the band because it really allows you to start anew while writing for a new album. Practices have been creative and fun and while we are all learning to play our instruments again, I am throwing out tons of song ideas and gaining feedback and ideas for changes. When I come out of there my mind is racing and I have the energy of an 8 year old.

I am taking voice lesson with one the Seattle Opera Chorus members. We arte starting to look at arias for me. "Ecco Ridente..." from Rossini's The Barer of Seville, "Un Aura Amorosa" from Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutti, "Una Fortiva Lagrima" from mozart as well. I am in the hunt for more pieces that are not Mozart,.

ope a week ago in the Weekly and it put many frustrating things into perspective for me:

___

You can probably forget being the best at anything. Chances are there's someone out there willing to devote such obsessive amounts of time and energy to your interest that you could never compete. Work on finding new standards to measure yourself against. Accept that you'll probably never be the best at any one thing without sacrificing everything else. That's so not your style; if anyone's into having their cake and eating it too, it's you. Let go of that whole concept. Instead, focus on being really good at several things you love. That'll open enough doors to keep your life interesting, and then some.
____

Tis is hard to swallow and also very releiving all at once. Since being in the opera this Summer, I have vowed to improve my voice so I may wow the panel of judges during the next audition. And I am making steps towards doing this , but for the wrong reasons. I want to be the best in the opera. ANd I am sure I could get pretty good, but I would have to give up a lot to do it. Do I want to? Amd I capable of being that obsessed? Do I want to be? I have my ladel in a lots of pots right now and I enjoy each and every one of them thuroughly. How much to I ave to give up to get better at once particular thing?

I will let you know where I come down on that in the end...

Last night Sophie and I carved pumpkins with Susannah at my apartment. And they all came out well. I am pretty sure that if Sophie and I were pumkins we would looks like this:

If you do not know who I am referring to when I say "Sophie", then this is who she is:

FInally, It has come to Sophie and y attention that we are the cutest couple n Seatle. Not by our own decision. Oh no. But by the vote of random strangers on the street. It has seriously been serendipitous how man werid people have accosted us with compliments abotu how we are their favorite couple they see walking around on the Hill. Seriously strange. But I agree. So to all you other couple, eat our dust! You better kick it up a notch if you want strangers to praise your mere existence.

Heart,
Jeffrey

PS had this awesome sexy dream about some actress coming into town. I cannot remember much about her excetp she was brunette and gorgious and that I commented to her that she looked a lot like the mother from Gilmore Girls, who I have actually had a crsuh on for a while.

I think I need to go watch an episode of Gilmore Girls....

Alaska, HIV, Fuck you June

2007-06-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

It has been a while. And I would hang my head in hsame, but the going-on in my life have been rather demanding lately. So I will try and cram a 10 pound turkey worth of information into this 2 pound blog.

In my last blog I wrote about an interest in petticoats. It was a passsing notion a lovely lady named Sophi had given me her business card at the Crescent during my normal Wednesday night drunken outing. It occure right after I had been discussing how cute she was with my friend Joe(who happens to do the most amazing Jerry Blake impression). Well in a an extremely tired moment at worka few day later I called Sophie at her work and asked her out.

this might not be much for some, but I have only asked 1 person out on an official date before. But I wanted this to be clear and straight forward unlike the interactions most northwest boys have with women. No internet. No text messages. We went out that Saturday and the date wnet on until noon the next day. And it has been pretty damn amazing ever since. She is the most amazing girl and I can only say that I am quite happy. So for right now my crushes are overwhelmed by one major crush that has lasted two months so far. Ughhh. I am in trouble.

So that has majorloy impacted my life to say the least.

On top of that We put on the festival(Noise for the Needy).
It went well. We raised a bunch of money and had siome amzing shows!

I started practicing for the opera. It begins in August and there will be about 10 shows. you can get tickets now at http://www.seattleopera.org. You will see me for a bit in the 3rd act act sailor number 47.

Also i got as sick as I have ever been. 1.5 weeks of fever. Iwas completely useless. But I still went to work. And crazilly enough during the illness I went to Alaska. Sitka to be exact. When I rode out the rest of the illness with my father and brothers. I also caught the biggest fish on the trip a 37 pound King Salmon. I visited the emergency room because of dehydration and other fever related problems. The doctor was confused and gave me an HIV/AIDS test.

So if you haven't seen me in a while and you wonder if I am dead. Know this: i almost died, but I am very much alive and will be out again soon!

And Finally my good friends Sam and Jen had a baby girl yesterday morning. So welcome to the world Josephine Jansons!

I really look forward to not having a fever over the nxt few months and enjoying my time with my adorable new girlfriend. And I think I might make Alaska/HIV test vacations a part of my yearly routine. What fun!

runaways, grandmas, peticoats..

2007-05-03T01:34:00.000-07:00

Please nephew, figure out what is angering you so so you can finish high school. I worry about you constantly and I am sure I can do nothing but listen. Go home and try to work it through. If I had the answer I would have given it to you. Take care and try not to do anything irreperable.

My condolences to Susannah's Grandma. I visited tonight and could do nothing but bitch myself. But all politics and heartbreak aside, your loss is my loss.

I have gained a serious respect for petticoats tonight. I think I might do something about that. cute Cute. Cute.

You stole my baby, love, handheld devices...

2007-05-01T14:41:00.000-07:00

While walking home from a late evening out, i saw my van drive by. Dented just like mine is dented. And I felt my heart sink. And then I felt a sense of apathy. But now that I think about this van and the history I have had with it, I feel slightly ashamed to admit how little I cared. The lady in question is a 1995 Chevy Astrovan named Princess Fluffernutter. She has been intimately intertwined with the whirlwind that has been the last 4 years of my life. I bought her initially to get me to and from taking care of my mother who was dying of a brian tumor and Stage 4 Melanoma. Every weekend for a year and a half I drove up and down the I-5 corridor from Seattle to Vancouver, Washington to do my part in 24-hour family hospice care.

P.F. has delivered my band and The Graze from gig to gig up and down the I-5 corridor during this time as well. Thus she gently nurtures my artisitic appetite and provides the logisitcs for everry musical performance I am involved with.

Plus I lost my virginity is her back seat.... Just kidding. But that would have been special too I think.

As I walked home I took special trip down Melrose. I walked to where I had parked her a week before. And low and behold she was there. I will never take you for granted again fluffernutter.

A good It seems like a tumultuous time for love. Divorces, seperations break ups are par for the course this month amonst some of the people I care most about. But love is in the air as well. New friendships and relationships seem to be popping up as frequently. I am just not sure I have the intestinal fortitude for the roller coaster ride. I leave all of this ambiguous for now. It just seems easier that way.

i am sad to say I have nothing to say about handheld devices. I just like the title.
Maybe this. My cell phone is really old! and I have no idea who is texting me cause it doesn't show names. The screen is green and black and I think there might have been more technology behind the first version of asteroids. not that i am complaining, but from time to time it has gotten me in trouble. Santa, baby.... Easter Bunny? Tooth Fairy? Hanky the Christmas pooh? Somebody rescue me from my antique handheld device.

Bad DJ excercises in relaxation...

2007-04-27T12:36:00.000-07:00

On the floor of my work we each get a chance to command the cheap ass boombox. Right now Jorge, our "straight", but not-so-straight dressing friend from Guatamala, Has some fo the worst dance workout music playing. "Rhythm is a Dancer" Oh holy fuck. Really? So to combat the most consistent drive I have to toss the stereo and Jorge out the window, I work on the following excercise:

1) Place both hands on desk.

2) Roll neck gently around in circles to strech and relax neck muscles...

3) Do some subtle checken-necking to pick up a good sense of the steady, sexual, mind-numbing bass drum.

4) Clear all sharp objects from the table the table in front of you. Make sure not to loose your sens eof rhythm.

4) With consistent and angst filled adult ferver, Beat you head into the table in time with the bass drum of the music.

5) Repeat step five until you reach a state of unconciousness or bliss.

6) Share this exercise with others around you. It works just as well as a group activity.

Dryer Sheets, Baconography and teenage desperation

2007-04-25T22:09:00.000-07:00

On Dryer Sheets...
A year and a half ago y friend Shannon and i went on a mgical journey downtown to find me a scent besides. Onbe that mixed with my natural sweat to bring those I want to their knees. She had originally given me Agua de Gio.A scent she said made her panties drop. But since I was angling for her, I decided to hunt for something else. When we arrived at Nordstrom's I notice right away that the perfume girl was super hot. My decision was easy. I ask her what scent she liked. She pointed me to "Uomo" by Paccini. And it was perfect. I have been wearing it ever since and have yet to get a negative comment. Though last week, it was pointed out to me that I smelled like dryer sheets. At first I felt that I had spent a litle too much on a bottle of scented water to smell like laundry. Then I realized. I love the smell of fresh laundry. And as I finished a load tonight I laid my clean clothes out on my bed and dove in. Warm cotton surrounded me with a lovely fresh scent. I wish I had more clothes or that I was smaller so I could get lost in it like a kid in a ball pit. So I think that smelling like dryer sheets is a fab compliment and I will gladly keep wearing the italian dryer sheet water.

On Baconography...
This vegetarian has been missing bacon quite a bit lately. So tonight in order to quench or semi quench my hunger, I made myself a veggie bacon burger. And there is astill much of the package back. i don't know what is next, but I am sure it will be delicious. And then I will pack my bacon urges away for another year.

On Teenage Desperation...
My nephew is going through a really hard time right now. He doesnt' see allot of options to his life anfd he is angry. Angry, Stubborn and acting much more stupid then he really is. I am one of the last adults he is talking to right now. And it isn't much of a conversation. I can only listen. Cause suggesting alternatives and options right now just doesn't seem to work. And he is sure he will end up in jail cause the world doesn't understand. Man I understand how he feel, because his situation makes me feel a little helpless as well.

And there are crushes too, but this week they are a little crushed. I will just lean back on an old crush on Chrisitna Ricci I had when she was in the John Water's movie Pecker. And Sarah who use dto work at Torefazzione. Cute and intelligent and a policy maker. And of course the late great Adrienne Shelley from Hal Hartley's Trust.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Spitting at the spits...

2007-04-22T01:47:00.000-07:00

Wow. this was a night of crushable ladies. After an afternoon outing with a friend, i was kidnapped by Janine and nickel. And I had the most amazing conversation with a gorgious sexy redhead named Sasha(?). A social worker/femist sort with a fiery personality. Very hot and tall. i hope i see her again. i think she ended up with my info. Got a ride to the Spits show with a cute-ass punk rock/goth girl who playe djohnny Cash for me the whole way. What an easy way to win me over. Really.

At the show I saw joey, Answered some questions I had with him. I saw Kelly O who I have alway had a crush on. Janine had another fiend in a red dress. She was adorable. Really quite honestly between the punk rock girls tonight and the rockabilly girls last night. I have been in heaven. Crushes, Love and dumbfoundedness to you all. Reducing this intelligent man to cromagnun times.

the French Band was quie entertaining. And the lead singer was cute as hell. on the way out I complimented her.

The Spits blew me away and I have the sweat drenched shirt to show for iti was bouncing and shaking to every song. I recommend their show to anyone who is interested in a punk rock experience. Junt Jum and and move aroud int he first fiove rows and kiss your hearing goodbye. there will be mosshing and firecrakers and toruble to be found. Relax get used to be pushed around and enjoy yourself in a very kidlike way.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Why Why why. Oh Georgetown. This is out of control.

2007-04-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

This large heart of mine. it is pumping again. The crushes are left and right. People simply fascinate me lately. Is it just the spring hornyness? there is some of that, but there atre just always interesting new people who wander into my life. And I thank them for that.
Tonight I was at jules Maes with Brent Amaker and the rodeo for their birthday. i was also allowed to drink. Thus i was a littel shitfaced. I dawned a sombrero and played tehano trumpet. I helped serve birthday cake while doing whiskey shots. then I spilled the birthday cake all over the monitor and stage while I was trying to stuff a piece in the guitarist's mouth.
The place was filled with super hot rockabilly chicks and for some reason I am home now and I have a shredded pair of pants on. Particularly useless if one were trying to cover the crotchall area. Dear me. The nuns would not approve. And I think I left a vehicle in Georgetown. Who is going to breakfast at Smarty Pants with me tomorrow so we can pick it up?

Heart,
Jeffrey

Pantslessness....

2007-04-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

This last week and a half since I has returned from England have been a whirlwind. I got news from the opera. And right now I am holding a contract and schedule for the Summer production of The Flying Dutchman. Wow. i really had no idea my life would turn back this direction. seriously. i am a little bit in shock. I high school I was in every play and every musical. And when I went to college they had no music. I studied voice of the side with my favoritie opera couple Bill and Joan Winden in Olympia. They prepared me for tyrouts to get into another schoool where I was accepted. But because of love and because I could not afford the tuition and partially because I loved Evergreen, I abstained. I kept studying voice and finally I audition for graduate work. I tryed out at UW and San Fransisco State University. Neither showed any interest. So I gave up and moved into pop music where I ahev been happily ever since. And now through my debaucherous karoake lifestyle I have been given another opportuinity to sing classical music. So I will sign the contract and do what I meant to do originally. We shall see how it goes.

Until then I will try and survive this year's festival. Things are truly ramping up. All the bands are signed up and I have found fabulous designers for every poster. And if I can keep my head screwed on for the next two months I think we will raise a lot of money for this year's charity.

I went on a blind datish/meeting thing which was set up in Cambridge via Satnam. She was quite nice.

I played trumpet in a country band.

I went roller skating.

Met a psycho 50 year old man whose primary mission in life was to roller skate in all 50 states. he is getting there in a corvette.

Had drinks in the most beautifully strip mall italian joint with a woman serving us who had boufant hair that stood 6 inches off her head. Lovely.

Then to party. Where I continued the whiskey and dancing. And had dangerous conversation.
My heart was beating fast. It beats fast now thinking about it.

Mouth is shut. Eyes are open. Action.

UK day 3-4

2007-04-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

I often worry about wearing out my stay on vacation. Byron and Bee have been consumate hosts. Though you will always have to arrgue with them about that. I love them both dearly for the fun and interesting times I have had over the past half week. Lot's of interesting people and food and great tlate nights at pubs.

A trip to the second biggest cathedral in England, Elie. WHile we were there the were practicing a requiem of sorts.
Byron and I climbed the tiny circular staircases up to the top of the cathedral octagon and listened to the gorgious soloists below. Elie is the site of the uprising that caused began the english civil war. so the Cathedral has been ground zero for a lot of senseless destruction. The Castholilc parts were destroyed by Henry VIII. Color was scarped off the walls. Stained glass was broken and statuary was broken.

Allister Cromwell destryed many of the Church of England parts of the church when he let the rebellion. It was quite a gorrgious town. Very windy. Very old and the music was cacauphonous.

After the pubs closed att 1 we went out for what was to be deemed the "closest thing to nachos we can do in Britiain at 11 AM. A Kabob house. We went in and ordered up the meaty and viggie options and watched some girl throw her purse at the windows of the business next door. Pub closing time is out fo control in Cambridge. A girl ran up behing me to touch my hat as we passed. A man walked up to Bee and I at the pub and asked "You two are personalities aren't you?" Today we cycled to The Ordhard at Grantchester. This is a famous tea house that is outdoors. Many famous folks are known to have hung out there including Virginia Woolfe and many others I will shorten the list here. There were beautiful rolling meadows and thatch roof huts. And old graveyeards.

On the way back we stopped at the student green next the the Mill pub. We drank Whiskey while surrounded by student joshing and making out. It was quite fun. The whole day was sunny and gorgious and there there were punters up and down the Granta and the Cam.

Tonight we celebrate Byron's birthday in Cambridge. Tomorrow in London where we might even meet up with my old Seattle friend Isabelle. Good times. I have so many picutres to show you guys, but am lacking in a good method to batch resize them. I will get them uploaded when I get back on Wednesday/thursday.

Heart,
Jeffrey

England Day 2...

2007-03-31T17:21:00.000-07:00

A single photo summary of the last 3 days
in Cambridge with Bee and Byron

Day 1 & 2, Caimbridge UK.

2007-03-29T09:47:00.000-07:00

March 27th 1 PM I left America, but my adventure started with my ride to the airport. One of my favorite people in the world, Ruth, picked me up promptly at 8:30 PM. Ruth has made it into my previous crushes of the week. She is a master of Karaoke Rap and is one fo the funniest women I know. We grabbed coffee and chatted abotu the last few months of life. It had been a while. It was good to see her again and made for a lovely begining to my British vacation.

On the first flight I sat next to a nice man with the last name of Nelson. In three hours we had talked about everything from the northwest in the 80s to the digraceful treatment of war victims in America. He worked for Catapillar in Pieoria, IL. So even though I wanted to ask him if he kew the story of Rachel Corie(SP?). She was an Evergreen student who went over to stand up for human rights in Palesteein. She was killed when a Catapillar tractor/bulldozed drove over her as she defended a house that was to be demolished. He was a nice fella and seemed to be enlightened So I decided to keep the deiscussiona little lighter than that.

Crushes: 6' tall stewardess riding along just for the flight. She was gorgeeous rather Lauren Jackson-esque character who was very pretty. I met her eyes several times. But there was no interest.

This was a 3 hour flight and was late so I had to run from terminal to termail to make my connection.

On the second leg of the flight I met a nice man named Yan from Namibia, which by the way is a country on the West coast of Africa and world's 5th largest producer of Uranium. He invited me down to visit his beautiful country someday. He was a pilot who spent asked his rich Birtish and European toruist for extra clothes and medicines to donate to his mother who at 70 was retired and providing doctor's services to the poor. Thsi was a 7.5 hours flight and I could not sleep. But the flight was empty so I stretched out and watch Stanger than Fiction and Dreamgirls. It was quite pleasing.

this flight was filled with beautiful ladies and despite the fact that we were all exausted and run down, I tried to at least recognize them all. I am on vacation. o i let myself off easy and mostly watch the videos.

From Gatwick I had 2 hours of train rides to Caimbridge, where I am at now.

The first train from Gatwick was painful. I was overdressed and had to take a comuter packed 1 hour long train ride to King's Cross station. I stood amongt packeed folks the whole time, sweated and tried to sleep standing.

Once at King's Cross I waited for the second train . I had stayed in this neighborhood the last time(2003) I was in England. I recognized Paddington well. And was glad to get out of there. On the train I was overwhelmed by several crushable ladies. And even some Eye contact. I had forgotten how little ee contact they make in England. The also have very little interest in the chubby boys. So i am ofen barking up the wrong tree.

Upon arriving in England i took a taxi formt he station with a bloke that lived just outside the aria. H had a caucney accent and i was remndind of a detail that is always prevelant in England. Accents here refelect your class. The more pasch the accent the more wealth and class and status you refect.

i gave the driver a 2 pound tip though I was told later that tipping is improper in England for taxis and Bars. How weird.

Bee greeted me that day and I was quite happy to have a place to sit down. Mina and Aubrey were both home and for an exhausted man who had just bearly stayed awake the whole trip, I was a bit overwhelmed. But I knew talking with mina might be my best hope of staying awake. I went straight to the computer and began checking in on email where BRrett and othrs had said hello. Byron arrived home and we went into downtown Caimbridge via foot to get coffee and pasties. Pasties are these lovely high fat breaded pockets filled with meats and vegetables. The were concocted by the working class English folk as a sort of edible lunch box for storing food on the way to work. Tasty!

Walking throuhg downtown Caimbridge through all of the archaicschool buildings and churchs was amazing. The whole town is a gorgeous old village where most folks commute via bicycle. There were many gorgious ladies everywhere. All of which had masters degrees and PhDs. Thus a bo who loves smart women such as myself was in heaven. I also quite enjoyed meeting every pair of eyes I could to buck the cold EEnglish trend. As we walked around Byron kept pointing out famous places where basic scientific concepts were discovered. We passed Newton's Aplle Tree, Darwin's house. The building where the electron was discovered. Sylvia Plath and some other literary folks went here as well.It was all so academic. This place is crawling with folks who are the best thinkers in their field. But there is a downside. These people often have absolutely no social skills. Thus we found ourselves surrounded by beautiful and intelligent people you actually might not want to talk with.

As the evening approached I grew weary. The kids wanted my attention and I had bearly enough straength to keep my eyes open. But in the interest of lessons learned from past trips I fought through. And by that I mean I curled up on the wooden floor, On the vinyl chair and just about anywhere I couldd to sleep. The kids jumped on me and stoel the pea coat I was using for a cover. But the was no petrol in the tank. I fell asleep for 30 minutes or an hour.

Bee made a lovely dinner for us all and we fought over the DJ selections from the computer.

The adultish folks went out to a lovely smokey pub called The Pickerel. We drank wine and Jack Daniels and chatted with Byron's colleagues Josh and Gretta. One of the was form Pennsylvania and the other was from Russia, but had fought in the Isreali military for a while. Both with mathematic geniuses. They were plenty fun and Bee and I sat on the other side of the table and chatted about people and humanity whilest I oggled the ladies and surveyed the scene. It was a typical college bar scene. Plenty to look at.

We stumbled home behind Byron's bad back snd I was directed to the long boat in the Cam River where I would be sleeping. This is where I drunkenly fell into the boat during the dreadful first step. The interesting thing about thsi boat is that you are actuall encouraged to pee in the sink in the boat. I slept deep. It was my first recovery after the travel. We woke up ad went to coffe in the Market Square. I bought a black scarf so Bee , Byron and myself would match. We were quite a sight! 2 6'5"+ man in black following Bee who was also wearing black highlighted by three sets of thick black rimmed glasses 3 black scarfs 1 porkpie hat and one pair of lips hiding behind bright red lipstick.

It was raining. We were all soaked, but it was so beautiful, I could not help but enjoy it!
Byron pointed out the greens where people would get drunk and make out and smoke pot. I made a mental note. I was up for two or three of these activities if the opportunity presented itself and would need such a place. Bee went on to pick up Aubrey from school. Byron took me to the Caimbridge university Library. It was massive and we went to a small music exhibit where some original Handel pieces were displayed. It reminded me that I would love to Sing some opera in a church shile I am here. We went to little St. Marie's Church Where I was foudn to be petting a small dog. I met thsi 70 year old woman there who worked with mental patients in the social services system. We spoke of all the kids coming back form the war who would be intering America and Britain with little support for the physical and mental health problems. She the went on to tell me all of her friends were patients and that she was one tired nuturer. She was obviously religious, but in an interesting way. She remarked"I look up at God and i ask him why I am doing 70% of his work. I am old and tired. And he looks down at me and says you are only 70. I am 1000 years old and I am much more tired of taking care of people. So I go on with my duties." It was such a sad statemn that really reminded me of my mother's experience in the social services. But she presented a beautiful tragedy and explanation of the gap between belief the reality for the poor and working class.

She kept talking for a half an hour about how he hated the Caimbridge folks. They were selfish and cold. Bee and Byron rescued me but not befor we got to hear the organist bellow forth some devine and major chords.

At Byron's Office I met several nice people at Mic rosoft Research. These folks were living the pascch life the woman I had met before was never going to see. I forced Byron to explain to me some of the basics concepts behind The Terminator program he had developed. We wwrote things on the white board. I think I amd finally getting it. I remember geometric and logical proofs in high school. And this was some of the most advanced thinking in proofs that I had ever scene.

We walked home with an extra bike for me. A beautiful old eanglish 3 speed. Byron had bought it from the bike man: a bicycle purest who uses all of the original pieces to rebuild bikes for the Caimbridge community. At the market we also had met the coffe man, the cheese man, the bread man, the produce lady and many other folks who were completely defined by their job.

That evening we took Aubrey and went out to dinner at a delicious Sushi restaurant on the Cam. We were eves dropping on a cell phone call which seemed to be a woman who was talking baout work and possibley leaving her boyfriend. When we sat down next to her and the crowd we realized the boy she was sitting next to was the one she was about to dump.

Later we wandered back to the Pickerel to meet Bee's friend John and Paul .two serious queens wwho stuck out like gorgious sore thumbs amongt the jockish crowd of college drinkers. John instantly talk to me about how loos ehte women in England were. and then he cupped his hand in from of his motuh and said "They especially like the Connilingus. Just put on your wet suit and dive in." It was fabulously rauncvhy conversation. Both John and Paul wwere great characters. They even attracted a fag hag or two who molested byron made saucy comments and invited us out to an after party. the party sucked. We walked in and out within 30 second and left our lovely gay party friends there. we continued to Bee and Byron's house where we consumed wine and Nutella bread and I worked on this very blog. I wondered back to the boat for rest and woke up to a swan floating by my window. instead off feeling a sens eof wonder and beauty I remembver how mean swan and geese are. They honk and hiss and snap at you. That mornig I got to do some of my first cycling as we took Aubrey to school and hit the market for cheese and coffee. We then attended Easter services at Grand St. Marie's Church where Aubrey sang a solo song and some preecher man tried to ecplain to me that I was worth more that 70 bars of soap, 2030 pencils, 2500 matches and more than 40 litres of water. All in all we consisted of about 60-70 pounds worth of material. But because outr parent and god loves us we are worht more. I looked at Bee and said " I am worth at least 100 pound sterling for sure". Byron and I texted back and forth and embarrassed bee who was scolded from the coffe that had spilled on her minutes earlier.

A few other thing s happend, but I will try to break this all up into shorter blogs form here on out. Here's crossing our finger hopeing for a nice Britsh snog for Jeffrey!

Heart,
me

God Dammitt!

2007-03-21T01:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah you heard me right... I love my friedndss soo much. They deserve all of the atention I waste on crushes. Except the girl at the coffee shop this morning wwitht he realy nice posterier. Tonight was spent with good firend in sometimes deep conversation and sometimes light hearted tomfoolery. Delicious cucumber martinis and shoe string fried in garlic aoli.We then wrote song about the new west side story that is Seattle. The integration of the city and the suburbs. City and eastside. What will this town be like in 5 years? We all wonder. Too drunk to continue. I hope you ahd a good night!

Spring is thick....

2007-03-18T02:21:00.000-07:00

OK. Tonight I spent thte evening with 5 gorgious women at a Spiga. Lots of conversation and simulated flirting. It was fun.

But here is my problem. It is Spring. And until I get laid again I will be drinking myself into oblivian. i wish it was a choice, but unfortunately it is not. At the Bus Stop tonihgt I met this girl named Brooke.. she was gorgious hot funny and I generally found conversation with her pleasing. Plus she had this cute thing she did with her lips. She was very flirty and I quite enjoed that and recipricated. Then when I asked the dreaded question "so what is the situation with all you guys?" The couple off. hr boyfiredn is pretty damn awesome. So I stepped away and just tried to drink more while I was friendly and tried to act oblivious to the situation. I also think my friend jake is in love with my crush susannah. I think she likes him back. And I pretty sure that if they have not hooked up, that they will soon. While I love them botha nd think it is perfect, it also makes me sad.

Anyways... back to Spring. The blossoms are out and it is time to make out with some random person against an alley wall. Grrr....

medication

2007-03-14T02:02:00.000-07:00

While talking with my friend Alyssa tonihgt I was reminded of rreason for medication. When most people are in pain or even worse feel nothing at all they look to medication to quell or stir something up. I will abandon the indirect nature of my first too sentences. i have often avoided tradtitional medicines. Medication for physical and emtional pain. And tonight i thoguht back over the self medicated measures I have taken over the years. When I was a teenager, I wanted to feel less. Emotions and hormones were driving me mad. I turned to video games and reruns of three company to numb. Under a blanket of inactivity and cathode ray intoxication I made it through my parent divorce and puberty. Which just happened to occur at the same time. Thus I had little knowldge or interest dating. Other than the romantic concept I had built up in my head.

During the 90's I was happier. I had an outlet for developing talent in music and theater. And I absorbed every activity. This is where I really developed a sense of self. And I didn't even know it. But unresolved anger at my father and the depression my mother and the poverty I found myself in permiated the nights. I turned to my friends and caffeine asnd 8 hour conversations about nothing at Sharis.. And then pot. my mind was racing, but for cirmcumstance, I could not find direction. I fell in love many times and never once confessed or revelaed my feeling. Then drinking. the final stage of self medication.

To to numb the feelings of loss. to enhance one's sense of courage and conviction. For love. For lack of love. To survive to the next change. To resist that change when it rears its ugly head. To blur the lines of opportunity. Converting conversation to action.

Philosophy be damned. These are the words of spring.

But This was a conversation about self medication. And I learned from a supressed spirit of a mother at a young age thatmany if not all instantanious sorrows and joys can be resolved with food. Eating. Not eating. And feeding others. Fat Suger and Salt coursing through the vains with opiate consequence.

Ice Cream with nuts and chocolate sauce now home made prozac.

Cheese... Ecstacy.

yes I have a crush. i have several. As I said,it is spring. I am remembering loves and lovers of the past. Gathering memories while meeting many lovely people every day. The warm stormy weather turns me on. The momentary sunlight on my back massages just before darting behind another cloud.

I love you. And i might just actually do something about that.

Renewed old love?

2007-02-19T22:29:00.000-08:00

There was an interest I had 10 years ago. Or at least something I thought I loved. Sometimes I wonder if it was more an obsession. Her name was Opera. I used to study for four or fove years on and off. I tried out for a couple of schools and found not interest so I gave up. Recently I was singing karaoke in a International Distract bar when a woman questioned me about my voice and trainning. Next thing I know I had a business card with the word "Seattle opera" inscribed on it in my hand. Since then I have had a private audition which went super well and I am signed up gto formerly audtion for the Seattle opera Chorus on March 10th. the Chorusmaster told me my voice was a gift and that I should not waste it. So herein lies my dilemna. I enjoy music in several aspect right now. I play in sevceeral band. I write my own songs. I play accordian and saxophone and trumpet and a host of other instruments as I need to to get one project or another completed. And it is fun. When I get involved in opera, it is different in a good and bad way. I become obsessed with perfect and cannot think of much else. It is the death of my innocent crush and the birth of a long obsessive commitment.

PS: I lost my digital Camera during a brief excusion to the same ID karoke district. i have been pining for it ever since. I am heading out on vacation soon and I have no way of recording it. I hate you stupid durnk karaoke Jeff. you have betrayed me!

Jeffrey

Don't you remember you said you loved me baby?

2007-02-19T22:19:00.000-08:00

This city amazes me for its cute and adorable people. And it s cute girls who sing the carpenters. So I dedicate this new crsuh to Maggie who sang the most adorable version of That carpenters song with all the "baby, baby, baby baby baby..." in it. I love the Carpenters. they remind me of my mother, but that specific song annoys me. But when she sang it it made me blush a little bit. I actually had the guts, or liquid courage enough to talk to her for a bit. Who knows. Maybe I will see this adorable girl someday again.

Heart,
Jeffrey

confessions...

2007-02-11T01:59:00.000-08:00

Don't we love them Zoe asked me abiout the things I have gotten away with in my life. I told here this. I have gotten away with not teeling at aleast three women that I love them. And then I thought about that and I no longer felt like I had gotten away with anything. Damn you truth.

I danced to sould music tonight until my legs gave out. I watched movies about Love and inspiration under the guise of Beethoven. I freaked out about opera auditions.

oi.

I am tied of these persed lips.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Dalla Sua Pace...

2007-02-10T02:36:00.000-08:00

I am watching an infomercial about armageddon. Should I be concerned about that? At first I thought I was watching normal news. They are selling a book and CD called "11:59 the Countdown" for some count of money. They are referring to wars that are hapeening and to come. I am usually sarcastic and have a rather dismal feeling about human progress. Then I watch some religious people pushing the end of the world. And I feel the opposite. I love life. I love people. And really The religious fucks preeching and trying to legislate the end of the world can kiss my ass. I see the mess we are all in, but I also know that a certain amount of humanity is fighting it. I have no book to sell. but I know about a greayt soul dance night going on tomorrow in Seattle. And right now I am living for that. Kiss my ass whackos!

My crushes are everywhere as of recently. Mostly I am in love with music again and some other forlks who I have been told not to go for by non-trustworthy folks. Anyways. And that Scottish knitting girl who speaks italian and is 6'1". Dear god. Did I stumble into a briar patch. TOnight my shoulder is soar from a girl named Pickles biting me. It made for good pictures. I sang Opera on the overpass and I freaked out about realizing a dream I had priorly put to rest.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Revisiting slow dancing...

2007-01-25T01:15:00.000-08:00

It has been intersting trying to slow dance with as many people as possible in this city. I have had some of the most amazing intimate and wonderful junior high moments with strangers and best friends. I have also had people pull away shortly after we start and say "I can't do this. It is too weird. I do not want to remember slow dancing and that part of my life." I respect both. But I realize it is a good issue to bring out a very honest response and feeling from people. And well. We all have our issues and that has to be respected.

I slpt for very few hours last night. i drank very delivious sopanish wine with Susannah and alex while making home movies and playing dominos. There was also the most delicious home made mac and cheese I have had in a while. Susannah is awesome though and Alex was a trooper for hanging out reven though he was the only sober one.

My friend David sent uus a text at some point with the following statement:

"Bush is whispering sweet nothings in our ear. Should we let him fuck us?"

i try to keep this blog un political but since the email was about fucking I will allow it.

Tonight was a byust for crushes. beautiful eyes and such everywhere, but I was tired and had little or no interest in finding what I went out for. So dammit! I will crawl into bed and sleep.

Boring yes, but So very necessary.

heart,
Jeffrey

Simplicity please...

2007-01-14T16:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes things are a lot simpler then you let them be. Thought and emotion muddy water that wasn't all that clear before. Connection, attachment and love may be more with an idea of what I person could be more then the person themself.

It does not snow here often. And when it does it usually thaws by morning. Fort the past week it has been cold enought that when the snow fel, it sayed. The air is dry crisp air make this city smell clean again. And it takes a commitment to go anywhere because you have to bundle up. Though the snow strike terror into the heart of this entire city's population, I look forward to it. I look forward to the numb fingers and the excuse the wear a scarf. These winter activities remind me of the best snow days of my childhood. I think about investing in a snow machine. For when nostalgia or loneliness stikes i would just cover the steepest street with snow.

I keep sledding long after the snow melts.

Laundry day is a very dangerous day

2007-01-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight I remembered why doing laundry is fun. I have this large set of cloths that I never wear. That is, until laundry day. but tonight. I bandrished my swimtrunks and tall red socks scarf and cowboy hat to jike oup to the thrid foor fo my apartment building to do one out of the three loads of laundry I intended to do. WTF. I am pissed cause it is getting to desperate time. One more day and I am throwing out the old wardrobe and starting anew. How does this fit into Crush of the Week. I met her on the top floor and she was also dressed in the most outlandish outfit. We were laundry soulmates. She was cute and we talked for a bit. Supercool. She is now the 3rd person I have met in this complex of many. Most of them bitchy gay men from what I can tell. Anyways... When I get my laundry done I will go for a walk and maybe see what cuteness is about town.

Last night I performed at the Crocodile 2 Velvet Undergound songs. The audience was filled with cute women for some reason. Not the least of which were my friends Holly, Claudia and Shannon. And when I sang a soft Mo Tucker song, I heard more then a few "awes". the situation in its entirety was adorable. As the night wore on, Claudia and Holly and I jumped into a cab and absconded to the Hill where we, each one of us retired to our respective vices. sleep, root beer, facial creams and pirate literature.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Evolutionary Romanticism.

2007-01-08T01:54:00.000-08:00

...

How does it feel to be loved?

2007-01-05T01:53:00.000-08:00

When he is concentrated, I know he is ready and his intentions are clear. When he is in love. He is a mess.

Delerious

2006-12-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

it is late. and you are gorgious. and I am tired of inaction. Come over here and kiss me. So we stand bronzed in the middle of the square. A testiment to anticipation.

slow dancing...

2006-12-23T12:52:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been obsessed with slow dancing. And for some reason random opportunities keep coming up. My first slow dance in middle School was was a girl half my heigth named Becky. In the Cafeteria to some horrible early eighties ballad. It was uncomfortable but it felt good to be something more than a wallflower at a dance. I must have been 10 or 11 years old.

There were many such subsequent situation of not real dancing until i slow danced to "Take My Breath Away" with Tracy Lopez in ricky kobyashi's basement durinng the last year in middle school. i fell in love with that girl because it didn't feel forced and it felt like my true first slow dance. I still well up a bit during that song. SInce the I have gained confidence and I am a much better dancer. I can even lead. so I take every opportunity when I slwo dance song comes on to grab the closest person who will not be offended and dance with the. And to my surpise people have been taking to it shockingly well. during my last slowdance the girl even put her head on my shoulder.It was veryendearing. And now I see that there is unending amount of people who also need to slowdance for fun and therapy. Another intereting incident was this: Me and a friend slow dancingnone style with 1 foot between. For some reason that space and structure made it all the more appropriate. And I quite enjoyed myself.

Well this one turne dout to be a ramble. But I do recommend that during the next slow song that moves you, you grab the closest person pull them close and revisit the experience.

Crushing for good part 1

2006-12-22T01:51:00.000-08:00

Yeah it has been a while. And I have piled up a lot of crushes. I have been working on a challenge from Bee. To have crashes on peoplewho are good for me. Meaningful people who I would would want to be around attraction or not. Who do I think falls into this category? Well a few people who I might not ever hook up with, but people defintely worth admiring for a while. Currently:

Sam
Jocelyn
Ruth
Susannah
oh dear me I seem to have forgotten the rest but there are many many more. But none of them are as interesting or as worthy as these ladies.

Anyways. I cabbed someone home. The walked by a ton of fenced off buildings and I realized over the past 8 years that I now have a crush on this city.

And I got sad knowing that she is changing a lot right now. And that I might not like who she turns out to be.

i am not going home for the first Christmas in a long time. It will be weird, but I need to do this once in my life it think. Sorry dad and brothers. i am orphaning myself.

O waoted fr an hour tonight for on of my new crushes to have her birthday party. I even forsaked my first love, music. got nothing. But ran into the lovely and charming Anita. What a sweetheart.

S;eep well my pretties.

Heart,
jeffrey

Called out...

2006-12-13T01:04:00.000-08:00

Alright ms. lavender. I will.

On December first I declared at the end of the blog that I woul dhave a crush on some people that were good for me. So I will. I will apply just the subtlist of pragmatism to my attraction. Or at least I will try. Formerly it works this way. There is a large group of crushes that I stumble upon. Some of those are the most blatent physical of attraction. Which definitely has its place. Some of those are women who push some psychological button. They tap into some emotional pattern you follow. And create some sort of desire that way. then there are thsoe who you form a connection with. And the crush and attraction develops with common interest. Mayeb the intelligence or talent changes the way you view them. Maybe those would be more pragmatic. It is probably knowing what you need and what you definetely do NOT need.

I can think of a lot of people I actually connect with now. People who I think about. People who have changed the way O think about them by showing me something. Impressing me. With humor, performance. And amazing conversation. A connection I could have with noone else. Many of these people will just be good friends and I am lucky for that. But maybe if I start excepting these crushes I might find something. Something that I am usually looking for tin the wrong place.

Dammit.

Definitely thinking too much.

high and lows...

2006-12-07T02:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah they are both here. Sometimes the person who you are very excited to see ends up draggin you down within minutes. Or maybe it is the situation. Nonaction. Nonmovement. crushes tire me. because they involve a silence. Thus there is this blog. A voice some sort of vindication of feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I would be any better at asking the girls out I like if my father or some sort of good mail role model was around when I was 13. But instea my parents got divorced and I disowned my father as I hit puberty. Him and everything he stood for. Like rejecting half of your person. Kissing the masculine goodbye. Since then I have been retraining myself nd rebuilding the damgaged structues. If it works out I will be dating and in a healthy relationship by the year 2045.

Anyways I will spare you the details. I will spare myself the detailed. DEMONS BE GONE!@

Anyways. Striped shirt. Yes. Yes yes...

And what the hell. I spanked a spanish teacher tonight. super hot.

Was accused of being Elvis Costello and Run DMC tonight. Well fuck. Changes are a coming. I can feel them. They unsettle me at the core. My sense of security is being disrupted. That is a good thing right?

I am gonna go make sweet sleep to my bed.

The spot..

2006-12-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

Holy crap there have been two times in the last few months where a friend has accidentally touched the most senstive art of this big man's body. It is weird I must say. Some random girl whome I met the hbus Stop was taking a picutre with me for some weird reason. And to make a funny picture she decides to nibble on my earlobe. Shivers. And I carefully hid that that was entirely sexy. Then last night I see one of my favorite people in the world and to say hello she gives me a bog hug and tears into my afformentioned eroginous zone. My knees turned to jello. And I luckily regained my senses before I fell on the culprit, flashed a smile and went back to dancing.

I love these coincidences!

Heart,
Jeffrey

Cater to me...

2006-12-01T02:28:00.000-08:00

OK TV. You don't like me and I don't like you. But it is 3 AM and Iam waiting out a mistaken last drink tonight. so lets call a truce.

I feel like you know me so well tonight. All of your commercials are about "Lunesta" and iother prescription sleep agents.

And between those commercials lie the gem dating commercials. You know the ones that recommend that you stay in and talk on the phone instead of going out and actually fraternizing with people. ANd now the creme de la creme: Text flirting. I shit you not, folks. Pay some fucked up fucker to text flirtation emails to someone who might only not be the sex you hope they are, but might not even be human. It is probably a computer with thousands of pre-programmed messages. "Oh man, your text read really cute. You are hot. If you were here right now I know I would have to have sex with you. To bad you are a pentium 4 funning Windows 2000!.

Enough sarcasm.

I guess it was a good day. i didn't even have to use my A.K.

heart,
Jeffrey

Hmm....

2006-12-01T02:01:00.000-08:00

I have once again alerted a lot of people to my blog. And with the mosre people I alert, the higher the chance that someone I actually have a crush on will read the blog.My good friend Bee believes this is a good thing, but it goes against my nature to be so forward in a stangley indirect way.One thing I am sur eof is this. i am tired of "Nice Guy" and "Nice Girl" being used with a bad connotation. I am tkaing back the term for the hot sexy "Nice Guy or Girl" who get passed by case people like to fuck danger more than people. So bring it one. Have a crush on somethign good for you for once. If you do it I will.

Danger Will Robinson...

2006-11-25T02:19:00.000-08:00

My crushes feel more dangerous now. Like they are all true possibilities. Like the quality of the people I have crushes on is improving. What am I to do? As the quality improves it is harder to sluff these crushes of. Many of my coworkers are from the phillipines or Somolia or Samoa or Guatamala. For some reason[it might be the storeies I keep teling them] over the past months), they have decided that i am a slut. It is the first time in my life that I have had a reputation. And it is funny. When you have one, people say everything to you with inuendo..." Jeff get me that box of paper, sexy boy..." or "You look like you didn't sleep last night..." In the end I can only imagine this is a good thing for me. I like having a rep. And I do not have to answer any questions. I just raise my eyebrows.

Thanksgiving was tiring.

I need to sleep.

I need to organize these crushes.

If you are reading this and you wonder if you are one of my crushes: It is very likely that you are!

Heart,
Jeffrey

Halloween crushes...

2006-11-01T02:44:00.000-08:00

The squid. The maid. The girl dressed like nothing. The Robot. The squid. The 6 girls in uniform. I did not realise how much I like that. Makes one wonder. I should be in bed. But I am thinking about crushes. And girls who study science. Also a long past crush entered my life again. but she asked me for my friend's info. It was a moment of excitement quickly followed by a flattened feeling. Oh well...

2006-10-17T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have had too many conversations this week about kissing. So I think it is high time to devote a COTW to that. Really. Hot wet-lipped reactionary making out that causes the skin on my neck and face to tingle and burn. The type of smooching that redirects time and hours later ends in the worst chapped lips you have ever had. Tender nibblable necks, wandering hands and the tastiest of earlobes. The desire to devour and the anticipation of things to come manifest in the form of a pouting lip to suck and bite. Breath gets heavier & my heart squeezes blood down arteries that could not open wide enough to supply these nerve endings with enough oxygen.

Happy happy fall fall

2006-10-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

This is my time of year. My birthday is coming up and I love gray weather. Do not ask me why. So i sit here in my swimming trunks which I will have no use for outside my house for a bit, I watch Lost in Translation which seems to be the perfect movie equivelant of the weather amd I snuggle under my cover. Now to make some pea soup and put this celebration in high gear.

Oh hell yeah. I have a cruah on Scarlett Johanssen. Who doesn't. Maybe bill Murray a bit too.

Needle in a haystack....

2006-10-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

I live on Sapitol Hill in Seattle Washington. It is a charming neighborhood filled with lots of aprtments a few streets of shopping and dining and some crazy amount of bars. these bars are fruequented by fashionable young ladies and gentlemen form the local music and art scene. People wholook and feel rebellious. But mostly by alcoholics with a lot of time on their hands on a dreadul search for meaning or connection. There are a lot fo people like this and we roam around pouring liquors in our belly the nukmb one thing or another. Or to give us the courage to ask that other person who is drinking out. It is an interesting ascene and I find particular joy in wandering in and out of it at leisure. I am a bit too old for the crowd. I do not know enough about new bands and I do not work a col job or whatnot. But what beats all is running into a new person every once and a while that keeps me completely intigues and interested in a conversation. Last night I met a new freidn Michael. And we bantered back and forth about the changin, growing northwest city we lived in. We chatted about the death of our neighborhood. The replacement of dive bars with themed and expensive Belletown-esque alternatives. Belltown. Is another neighborhood in Cap Hill that used to be run down and filled with interesting little bohemian dives. They are down to 2 maybe 3 now and they have moved in a massive pile of upwardly mobile people who make a lot of money for their age. I see not problem with these people I guess. They are just on a different path than me. I digress. As this city grows, the demand for condos grows anfd the demand for quite cute neighborhoods with little or no personality grows. Thus artistic freaks like myself and Michael loose the quirks of our neighborhood and it becomes a good place to raise kids. "So where do we move?" we asked each other. Georgetown is always touted as an interesting commmunity, but the cancer cluster down there around the industril-waste drenched soil and the airport does nto bode well. Plus the rents down there are already pretty darn expensive. West Seattle is brgioning now, but it is not really my community. I might be singing a different tune in a year. but not yet. If you live in the area and have some suggestions on places for me to move let me know. If I can't think iof anything then I will just move to chicago, New York or Montreal. Iceland is always an option too!

Anyways. I adore running into intereting people. So that was a good night. And I ran into 4 people form my high school wandering up the street drunk at 2 AM. I had not seen these people in 13 years+ so it was strange. And one of them currently has his taxes done by my dad. just weird. They looked like Belltown people. so it eggggxacerbated the belief in the problems of the hill.

2006-10-09T02:19:00.000-07:00

Oh on that note...

There were 3 hot ladies tonight wearing the most amazing Overcoats at the bus stop. YOu know who you are. and Work it, girls!

derailed.

2006-10-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

This blog had mone mission when it began. It was simply for me to learn how to express all of the past and present unrepresented crushes I have. yes. I admit there are a lot fo them. And they are innumerous. I really would have horrible arthritis if I wrote about each and every one I have. Butlately I have been half heartedly pursuing the unavailable situation and not wirting about anything. The whole reason to write in the first place was to get better at expressing these feeling and attractions in real life. To take some chances and ask some of these crushes out. ButNow it seems that it is not that easy. not that easy at all. There are all of these timing issues. then there are the ones who aresingle and unavailable. It is all kind of wearing me down. So i might need a break form the pursuit. Thus you will probably find me writng more blogs. hung out with ruth and Mark and Laura tonight. Sweet people. Fabulous karaoke stars each one of them. I have had a crush on ruth for a long time. yes she is gorgious and has some of the most entrancing pouty full lips you might see, but she it also a fabulkous rapper. And ythat it what gets me in trouble. Here is where it turns into a high school drama. At the bar we hang out at, there is a bouncer who has a crush on her as well. I have athics about this situation. She shows some interest in hanging out and fooling around with him. So I stay away. But it is hard to do so. biology and intellect. This is where i get mad at my parents for getting divorced when I turned 13. My dad left the house and just when I could have used some guidance on acting on attaction for doing what I want for me, he left and pissed me off. As a result I promised to never be "that guy" that he had become in my eyes. But it turns out obys and girls are all that guy. And being able to express and act on what you want or desire is not only hot to the other person, but it clarifies situations. Plus the few people I have been direct and honest with have usually recipricated. But I have lost my way and now I am back to pining and crsuhes. Thus I issue this proclamation. Next girl i have a crsuh on, I will just tell her and ask her out. I am too old for this shit, really.

Amd I expect me to hold myself to that. And i expect my good friends to hold me to it as well.

my new motto... "grrrrr......" As my silly cowroker, Nestor, tells me at work... "You are a tiger, yeffrie. A white tiger...."

(Thsi is where on might insert some frankie stallone. but in my case, I would insert some Nina Simone.)

Love,
Jeffrey

Not so obvious...

2006-10-02T15:58:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that when I reread these little pining session that they seem to be repetetive, they are not. Each is for a destictive and different girl. Is that weird or what. Must be a stage I am going through. Self imposed unrequited love. Sillly silly silly. Forgetfula nd quickly passing fancy. The death of a crush. And the death of sobriety.

Romeo and Juliet advice...

2006-10-02T02:34:00.000-07:00

"Not now..." that is what i was told by her good friend. "Not at all..." is what my dearest say. And I am trying to be good. No, I am good. I am too damn good. I am better at denying situations from happening then I am at letting them happen naturally. But considering lots of people i adore and in return, people who love me to death, tell me no, then I will let it go.

Last night I was at a country show and I realized that for the most part, that I adore rockabilly style and rockabilly girls. It made me want to tattoo up my neck and buy a harlyey. So adorable and curvey I get confused.

Dating is masochistic. I love that in some ways.

Heart,
Jeffrey

Crushes gone wild.

2006-09-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Crushes. Fantasies sexuakl energy galore this week. I keep seeing all of the wonderfully curvy women wearing vintage dresses downtown an. One of them was wearing the outfit that looke dlike she walked right out of the lab. Dammit! Anyways. Also had to watch my firend hit on a super crush I have on this actress. She is amazing on stage. She brought me to tears. How could I not fall in love with her. Downtown the vintage dresses were blue and black and brown and white. Super damn cute.

Anyways. I am curshing and I would say horny and anll of those things that make me distracted about 90% of the day. Plus the weather here is absolutely fabulous lately and it make it all worse. or better.

Anyways.

COFTH OUT!

I shouldn't

2006-09-25T02:03:00.000-07:00

bee told me not to. And I am trying to be a good boy. Butr people who I should not hook up with keep seeking me out. We connect. But I am not that guy. i will never be that guy. Even people confide in me how they are unhappy with their relationship. People who I am interesyted ion. it is really not fair. But I am used to this sort of situation. I seek that crap out. i am always good and just lend an ear when then need it. But one of these times i am gonna crack and spill the beans. something like "Really I am completely interested in you as more than a friend so I can not be privy to this information. Please direct your confession to another friend who is not attracted to you. so that was an honest and drunk rant. HONEST AND DRUNK DAMMIT! I get caught in these situations and amongt these amazing and awesome people who are not available. And I even usually like the person they are with. And I feel horrible. I recognize my role and I back off. but sometimes it is not so easy. And sometimes these people seek me back out. Dammit!. I could turn off my phone. i could avoid contact. i am weak. Weak but not weak at all.

Saw an amazing play yesterday. Sould of a Whore. I recommend. Death penatly texas. Religion. Sex. Demans Healing. And money. It was quiest brilliant.

I recorded my drummer's asnniversary song he worte for this wife. If was adorbale. and it reaffirmed love for me while depressing me. For nine years I lived with someone and Every year on her birthday i worte her a song. Now I do not have the songs to deicate and he does. that is just a bit beautiful and sad to me at once.

Mid day before reconding I enter a mini mart. This youbg lady with dyed hair cracked the biggest smile and chats me up. She is totally happy despite meing trapped in a mini mart. We talk about the weather and a souvcple other social niceities and I realize this. Life is good. I have amazing friend and a focus for my passion. Can I really ask for more. Yes and no. But right now. No.

Heart,
jEFFREY WITH A NEW DENIM COWBOY HAT!

A different scene...

2006-09-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well, since I make up the rules on this blog, I am going to have a crush on an evening I spent outside of my lttle cap hill microcosm. We rolled with the hip hop crew for a night. I crew I do not usually get invited to roll with.

Wow. A dangerous place for me to go: Tabella's. It is a hip hop club down under the viaduct below Belltown. Serious. There are all of these awesome curvey girl there and i am just o freaking distracted that I cannot even remember to fight my way t the bar and drink. Maybe that is a good thing. Last night. I drank Dom Perignon Champagne for the first time. Apparently because Jayzee wants us all to boycott Crystal. Whay does it seem funnt that one for call for a grassroots boycott of a $300 bottle of champagne? I don't know. Went to the Talib Kwali show at Chop Suey last night. We were priveleged enought to have dinner with him before the show and he seemed like a nice fellow. He went to high school with a good friend of mine and it was fun watching them reconnect! We decided the other amzing line was "it was so out of control that girl were signing each other's t$*ties." I do not even know what that means, but it was hilarious.

The chef of the seafood restaurant we were at was a big fan and he jsut started bring out his best dishes without even asking. The food was devine looking and I was sad that I do not eat fish! So I drank champagne and talked with A&R people. It seemed to be a color coordinated night as well. Everything was yellow black and white to match my new pumas!

The show was sold out and the crowd was super excited to see Talib in such a small venue. It was about 110 degrees and everyone was bouncing up and down and screaming. It was insane energy. and he writes some pretty damn powerful songs. I was impressed. and his backup singers were off the hook.

Tabella's seemed like it was transplanted from another city into seattle. I had been to a hip hop club in Vancouver a couple of weeks before that was much like this one. And I have to say the are serious miami beach! it is all bling and grind. And I kind of like it. You can't jaunt through the crowd without participating. I could decide whether to join in or just soak up as much stimulous a possible. it is a hard decuision whether or not to play Ishmael. Cause the story changes so much from the inside of the bubble.

Anyways. The ladies were lovely and ont eh way out the door some girl totally grabbed my ass in a major way. Figuring she was joking around, I turned back to her and said "yyeeeaaaaahhhh!" and here and her friends were shocked. i could hear them talking about i whilest I walked away. Then they crossed us again and her friend tried to ask if it was ok. I thought it was funny and my firiend said the girl was actually into me. Well I guess it plays to bee's rule that when you are being flirted with most, or even being molested by some hot lady, you will probably play it off as the oblivious one!

i must get back to work!

On the crush note.

I met a woman back stage who was apprently the attorney for the NAACP. she was absolutely gorgious and she wore a dress with brown and orange pattern on it. flutter. and there were about 90-95 girls in Tabella's that I would have gladly made out with. So you can understand why I just had to gloss over the subject for the evening. grrr.

Jeffrey

A crush can be dangerous...

2006-09-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

I love my neighborhood bar. It is adroable and filled with people I care about. But a while back I was warned by a friend about the dangers of having a crush on a liquor distributing compratriot. So I cut back on my weekly visit to a watering hole filled with other mammals I dealry adore. Cause we all partake of the water too much.

I have a wonderful crowd of folks making music around me in Seattle Washington. And I have so many bands that I dearly adore. And about 50 more to check out. I have been really lacking on supporting the community lately because I have had to concentrate on finishing my own album( which goes into production next week, thank you veyr much!) But I look forward to taking some time off and seeing some fo these amazing talents soon. Ape City R&B, Shorthand for Epic, Pleasurecraft, The Levitations, The Limbs, The Invisible Eyes, Brent Amaker and the Rodeo.

The CD release party is set up now. And it is on my birthday. Sorry folks. Oh and if you have never seen thsi scorpio around his birthday be prepared. They seem to get crazier as I get older. And holy crap they get longer too! Last year I talked about my brithday for a month or two beforehand, then a month afterward.

I have always has a crush on songwriting and songwriters. Stephen Marrit of the Magnetic Fields, Mark Eitzel of American Music Club, The Only Ones for Only one song "Another Planet", The Handsome Family for her famiuous songwriting, Lou Barlow for his love songs. Anna Louis Ogden Padget for her disturbingly childish view of sexuality, and dispassionate sexy voice. nina simone for rasing my Ire every time I hear "Peaches". The Softies for srushinglky appopriate way. Mirah for talking about naughty thingsin her songs in the most delightful way! Rosemaery Clooney for her version "C'mon to My House". Louis Prima for existing. and a super big crush for slow down and dirty hip and soul/blues music that brings bodies together of the dance floor.

Right now I have a crush on the intangible. Some sort of success I have never felt. Some memory of a person that I do not know as well anymore as I should. Nostalgic, Sepia toned amber encased acceptance and forgiveness from someone who may never have existed.

:::EDIT:::
I guess that last paragrph would be more pining. a lament. And should be disregarded in the Crush of the week.

-the Staff

Is it unhealthy to...

2006-08-30T03:02:00.000-07:00

fantasize, crave, pine for and have a deep intensive affair with the concept of sleep? It is 3 AM I am at work. And I will be here for a bit longer. I have to wlak home and the only way I can keep from having an all out pity party in this blog is by lusting after the linens covering my pillow-top, california-king lover. I almost made it through the day without a single crush, which would be both wonderful and devastating to me, but when I went out to dinener with my ex at Chez Gaudy we ran into two waitresses and I fall deep in love with on site. Is it because the bring me a veggie meatball? It is because after a fucked up day at work it is super nice to recieve a smile from a pretty girl, even if it is just to take your order? That is sort of pathetic... I like to think it is because they are both charming and beautiful ladies and they earned their crushes one graceful step at a time. I would easily. If they asked I was probably stupidly rush back into the kitchen and start doing dishes. These were interesting thoughts juxtaposed against a discussion of why a relationship I was in didn't work and How I was dealing with the death of my mother. I rolled home from the restaurant onto a couch where I passed out to an old episode of veronica mars. And then again stumbled out the door for an apparatif with Louis and Susan. these two have developed into one of the more adorable couples in my little social microcosm. Worth a crsh in their own right!

My clothes drenched. My heart heavy with work, disenchanted with love. Even the shallow thought of making out right now leaves the dry burnt residew of chilicheese fritos laden preservative on my breath. But you sweet sheets will take me away to la la land where I can dream of gum drops and making out with sunday and flying high aboveParis Reykyavik and Amsterdam. Charmed byt he light of the city. I am ready to sleep and I really should stop typi...

top 8

2006-08-14T03:13:00.001-07:00

My friends at the hour of 3 AM suggest the most useful thing. We have, most of us, used the "myspace top 8-24". I am changin the rules. before it had little meaning to me whatsoever,but the people know were mad that they did not make it or that they were too low on the list. Well. New rules. Exluding the current setup the next top 1 will be the persoon i made out with last. Thus, reciprically, If you would like to be my top one, then you need to make out with me. I don't think that is too much to ask. And then it begins to add the proper value to this new cyber real estate. I am definitely not sober during the writing of this, so I will see how this looks tomorrow...

I have been in denail too long

2006-08-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have a super soft gooshy spot for bicycle riding women. Especially the messengers in downtown Seattle. Holy crap. All tatooed up and ass kicking. Really the high society types and lawyers and doctors loose color when they ride by. Streaks of oncotrolable beauty and pwer! Plus I am just super impressed with anyone who could navigate these hills all day at high speed. Gives me the "vapors". Dear me is it hot in here? I do declare a mint julep would be mighty tasty just about now!

Issues

2006-07-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

The end of heavy hearts...

After this last relationship, I was quite mad because I was looking for something from someone that was not there. I had trouble accepting the reality of the situation and having fun with that. And for the past month I have been quite bitter about love and relationships.

But within the last week I can feel my perspective lightening. I have been so overwhelmed with new crushes that my past is once again knowledge and experience and not weight. that being said...

My crushes range from romatic to pleutonic to symbolic this week. It might be so happy and overwhelming that you will want to puke into your sleeve, but I like these moments of confidence and positivity, they make my clothes and skin alike fit better.

Well, I got to hang out with a new fiend this week for three nights in a row and she was awesome, so big crushes on her. Welcome to the circle, Darlene! Vegetarian French Dips for all! tennis for the not so meeger!

Darlene introduced me to the keyboardist form the Black Angels. She was quite delightful. And she spun some fancy tracks at the Sugar Farm show post block party.

Old crush from a while back. Lucy. Ran into her in the VIP tent at Block Party. Grrr... I am still in wonder about this crush cause I am not sure she is my type. Don't tell my biology that. It does not care! But she is super nice and has the best fire red hair in town.

Mikey, The Civil engineer. she helped me make Nachos at 3 AM in the morning after the Solyoni CD release party. Bookishly cute and loves beans. (This last fact is much more important than I can explain at theis moment) As far as I know there are videos of this night somewhere on the internet.

Alison from the east coast. We are friends, but she is super cute and fiesty. She took me for a walk around Green Lake, which is really bad news for a fellow who gets crushes as much as I do! So much to be distracted by. Fuck!

I have a super big crush on Boursin right now. A French Cream cheese infused with Garlic and herbs. Honestly, if ever there was a reason to coat your arteries with deadly plaque and saturated fat, this is it. Let's work towards this heart attack together, darling!

I also have a super big crush on my friends Bee and Byron. I am so excited that they are going to be in town for a bit this month. Byron gives me the perfect advice to increase chaos in my life and Bee gives me the perfect advice to actually provides direction for this chaos which is as Byron says "never wrong" I wonder if that makes here the philosopher queen that socrates dreamed about... Able to make decisions about the "Good" for everyone. The combination for a Scorpio like me, intensity and direction, is like having the ability to fly or conjure fireballs or create an ecologicial car the emits Ice cream. Use for good. Incredibly poweful. dangerously productive, and downright adorable. Like some Japaname creature that is a cross bettweeen a panda, a bunny, a kitten and a platypus.

Ah and finally there wa a girl in a green shirt that caught my eye and smiled on the way into work between 6th and 5th on University today. Super cute. I deam this moment very crushworthy. I hope that once a day for the rest of this summer I can conjure a random smile from someone a s cute.

Issue 4

2006-07-20T01:04:00.000-07:00

But that is all the past. Today is today. And becaus eit is a new day I have a new crush. Mostly I have been on a keen search for my mojo which has dissapeared somewhere between many sleeples night, some vodka tonics and a scotch or two. But today it began to return riding a silent surge in confidence. Consumer confidence? Maybe. I don't know. But the second i stepped oout of the building after work I saw the cutest girl and I looked her right in the eyes and smiled. She wore glasses and I blushed. What was I supposed to do she was adorable!

But tonight took the cake. I was practicing in my afro cuban jazz project called Heads Without meat( I play accordian and trumpet and get to sing some too!) And the other accordian or Cumbia player was so gorgious. She was an older latina woman(older than me. 35 or so) and to top it off when she played accordian I wanted to cry. I was introduced to her, but I was so taken aback by her that I forgot that someone was playing tuba in the room. (Which is one of my other crushes. tubas, that is) I talked a lot with her as her smoked and played accrodian. and I could not help it I was in love.To top that off she makes films and seems to be a hell of an intelligent woman. I never had a chance... But maybe I will see her again.

Thank you for inviting her James! and thanks for be o damn irresistable accordian lady!

I can die now.

Heart,
Jeffrey

more the past. Almost done...

2006-07-17T22:51:00.000-07:00

Post Date: June 15, 2006Post Time: 4:04 pm
Mood:

Crush of the week

I am hopelessly desperately head over heels in love with my new and improved shower pressure. Steadily hot water and great pressure allow me to forget the pile of dishes I need to do for just an extra few minutes in the morning. And considering The shower is like my reset button. I look forward to it when notihing in the fucking world makes sense to me. When I am cranky like a child. When I am sure the next breath will bring me nothing but heartache and pain. The shower is there. Before it was fixed, My neighbor had fulkl control over my shower. And water would go form hot to cold without notice. Thus while I was singing opera in the shower,( which is something I always do) I would be forced to sing an octave higher when the watewr turned lava hot or ice cold. So Daniel the Welsh repairman, Thank you. I cannot tell you how much this mean to me. Now replace my fucking door, dude!

past...

2006-07-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

Post Date: June 13, 2006Post Time: 11:38 am
Mood:

The evil eye...crush of the week...

OK so I sorta knew you we dating her at the time. I think I knew. At least when someone told me after I blatently hit on her, I remembered that you had been introduced to me at one point as a boyfriend type. Well big fucking oops. Anyways. A long while back I got this crush on a girl who was indipsosed with another fella. I should have known.sunday I was sittign at the last show of the festival and I ran into these two lovebirds. And I was confused why I had a crush in the first place, and Also I had to smirk cause the guy was giving me the evil eye the whole time. I wanted to take him aside and get hiom all worked up, but instead I toasted him. I was exhauted and was not in the moiod to deal with tthe simple and innocent mistakes of my past. Plus I heard he is an asshole from her friends. Truly not my best moment. And to top it off she wasa all excited to see me. I am such a scorpio. Damn it!I got my first full night of sleep in a week last night. Oh man, I kind of feel like I am in an alternate reality today. One governed by logic again.Last night as I went out for some late night grocery shopping, the power went out at the Broadway Market QFC. It was funny because they were taping up the freezer doors and Hiding the expensive meet away. It sort of felt like an apocolyptic atmosphere. I even saw a few disconcerted people sotcking up on water. I wonder if they know the power was only out at QFC? I am seriously crsuhing on the grey weather today. not to chilly. and it is the perfect weather to snuggle up in fornt of a fire or under a cover and watch a movie in. Maybe even make some soup.I am seriously adoring my bandmates as well now. We have been working hard on the album for a long time and they are serious troopers! I can't imagine making an album with anyone else right now!

past...

2006-07-17T22:49:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 28, 2006Post Time: 4:25 pm
Mood:

Reverb crushes of the week

Oh ladies and gentleman... my presence on reverb was completely the result of a crush. There was some interesting looing girl on myspace who had one of those "I moving on" to reverb signs. So I thought I would check it out. I signed up and within minutes I got some super friendly conversation on with a few other ladies on this site. Never even spoke to the first girl. So In honor of the super hot and cute girls from reverb I have met, I am writing a short and sweet history of my first meeting of these ladies. After a week of chating back and forth with Sam, Sarah and Sarah, i was invited to Sam's birthday party at the Whiskey. I showed up with my firend alex who had a lunchbox tied with a rope to his belt and an anatomical picute of the human hand foam core mounted in one hand and a Meyers Run and Coke in the other. I walked up to Sam and Sarah and Sam, nervously handed Sam the weird ass drawing andset down the glass of rum and said "Happy birthday". It was kind of weird for the first 30 minutes. or even an hour. Then I got a few in me and so did the ladies. We bagan chating. My first impression was this: Holy crap these girls are hot! I had had 1 really horrible experience with a blind date on the internet a year or two earlier1. As a result, I now had a rule that nothing was considered a date off the interent. I would only go out on casual fiendly meeitngs. And though nothing had been suggested that any of these ladies were interested, it was still a great chance to meet some new ladies... And on top of their inherent cuteness they all seemed super friendly once the warmed up, smart, and pretty damn kick ass. So I formed a friendly crush on the whole crew! and since then I have been out many many many fridays with them, and have not looked back. So to my good firends from reverb(which have expanded way beyond these first three ladies, I dedicate this crush of the week blog entry. You guys rock!
1 On my birthday at 29 I told myself I wanted only one thing. To make out with some random girl. I wanted to simplify things in my life and be a stupid high schooler for the evening. so There was this girl who wanted to take me out on a blind date form myspace. Being stupid about these things and with my goal in mind, I went for it. When she arrived, I unfortunately did not have feelings for her that way. and well, I drank a whole hell of a lot(including three shots with the bartender who could tell it was not going well) and we parted ways after some super uncomfortable conversation and a bunch of other shit that was way over the top. I pride myself for being a gentlemana and not running out the door screaming. I guess she could say the same. It was really a horrible situation.

the past..

2006-07-17T22:48:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 28, 2006Post Time: 2:23 am
Mood:

I win, DB, Crush of the week!

I am the only one online tonght. So byt default I win. t is me, Showtime at the Apollo and my clean sheets tonight.It all began with one of my oldest friedns Jarrid Owen Beasley called up. an hour later he was at my door. We were doing Jameson shots and rum and cokes as we waited out the heavy rain. The we wandered to the Rosebud where I found my first crush of the evening. The bartender. A superhot tall lady who served me two maker's/ How could I have not like this cutey, huh? After several convenient encounters(James and keith) we ran off to The Bus Stop following a random text message. There we found crush number 2 glasses wearing birthday girl who dawn the naughty librarian facade proudly! But other than tha tit was way to maney men at the gay bar. So we headed to Hot Mammas where we at the Pizza and found crush three. Some friend o f Jarrid who was super cute and adoraboe. further explanation upon request. I am drunk so descriptions sound like a lot of work right now. Finally we finisheed off with several maker's at Linda's. And te crsuhed really started getting blurry by thid point. And currently I am blurry drinking confsued at home drinking water. Super heart and love and hugs.jeffrey

stories from the past

2006-07-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 16, 2006Post Time: 10:01 am
Mood:

delerious blog crush of the week!!!

Yes this is me with a bunch of coffee in meeeee and 3 hours sleep. Last night I worked my bootay off designing print material for the festival. Almost all done and caught up. I have to stay ahead if I ever want to have a social life again. Anyways, Poster from my end are done. And they turned out pretty well thanks to a book on sound waves I found. It gave me many great ideas. Last night I gave myself an hour to see a dear friend who I have been sewriously neglecting.( I know, I know... that would be a lot of you irhgt now... Sorry) we went to the grand opening of s chic 70's bar on Summit opened by the people who own Top Pot. I talked with the owner and drank their special, the Mai Tai. Karala and I talked of wafty concepts of love, relocation and pragmatism. she is a Pisces, so I was working hard on getting her to approach love with some utilitarian concepts in mind. I think she got it, but I am not sure she will apply it. Stubborn, but acceptable. And this brings me to my crush of the week. Well really of my lifetime. I love stubborn strong willed women. Really, an argument can charm the pants off me. This has not always gotten me into the best situations, but, I do meet some interesting people and I am never bored because of it. From a 4 AM conversation a while back where I was arguing circumcision and relationships with Ramona over a crowd of drunk nacho eaters at my apartment, to enumerous conversation that have ended in "let's agree to disagree" stares. Keep it fiesty. Keep it intelligent. Keep it stubborn ladies! It is appreciated!

histroy

2006-07-17T22:45:00.001-07:00

Post Date: May 8, 2006Post Time: 9:22 am
Mood:

Crush of the week...

She was 75 if she was 5. She ate Swedish pancakes next to me and started doing that silly old lady flirting thing. It was adorable. I found her cream for her coffee and then as if we were strangers again, she went on talking to her older friend abou tthe weather. Very sweet. I love old ladies. They make me smile. Not to mention the absolute cuteness that was occurring out on the dance floor. The whole Swedish pancake breakfast drenched in the syrupy sweet goodness of preserves and heavy whipping cream. Nummy. It has been a while since I have been to such a community event. Thanks for getting me out!

history

2006-07-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 7, 2006Post Time: 2:39 am
Mood:

DB Crush of the week...

It was like a crush of the week history lesson tonihgt for jeffrey. Accordian playing Sarah was at the benefit. said hello and disappeared into the brush again before anyone could snap a pitcure. I ran into another sam who I had a crush on a while ago at Freddy's while i was trying to find a late night newer sweater. and there was a third girl that I once had a major crush on in fremont. but I am drunk now and I cannot remember even who she is at this point. Got back to the hill tonight after an evening of Home Alive benefit where there was some pretty hot burlesque action and i spent some good cash on a good cause.On the hill I went o hang out with Ramon and David and there respective partners . We swilled expensive drinks and at mozorella stick until the kicked us out of charlies/ Fairly unevently. thought the egg room is calling right now. .. It would take a lot.

Jeffrey

histroy

2006-07-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 3, 2006Post Time: 12:18 pm
Mood:

Crush of the week

Stephen Colbert. Hands down, the sexiest man aliove for the correspondent's dinner speech. followed closely byt he waitsatff of chez Goudy. then shortly thereafter again by the satff of the bus stop. They are awesome people.

reverse history...

2006-07-17T22:41:00.000-07:00

Post Date: May 1, 2006Post Time: 2:57 am
Mood:

DB-Crush of the week-Are we related....

This is the rpemier of my third column called "Are we related?" It is the column where I update on my latest family escapades/ I love my family very much. I have two brothers one 33 and one 36. both married with kids. My brother Clint is a teacher and my brother brian works for an Equal Exchange coffee distributor. Thus he is often encouraged to visit my neck of the woods with little notice. So tonight he showed up on my doorstep after a long meeting with the Noise for the Meeting Crew (We are one month away from the 6 day festival, don't cha know) anyways. We have had a long night we are drunk and we realize that is was 3 years ago tha m mom passed away. a few days before her June 2nd birthday. And this is the poem we think of. the poem that reminds of of the stubborn woman that fought the reality of what ravaged her body:Dylan ThomasDo Not Go Gentle Into That Good NightDo not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Though wise men at their end know dark is right,Because their words had forked no lightning theyDo not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how brightTheir frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage, rage against the dying of the light.We also talked about my brandparents who appeared only at the end of mom's life. They were severly religious and in my mom's confused and morphine dreched state, she went steadfast to Jesus. After a rather agnostic upbringing, this shocked us both. But in each of our own ends, we must delve deap into our ID. Farther down than anything we reveal to family or even maybe ourselves. This is where we find our hapiness as we pass. At least as I could see. And though my granparents brought religion deep into the house, I realized this. My mom did not necessarily care what God felt. She just wanted the approval of her parent. For the to whisper into her ear, 'We are proud of you you did a great job. Let go knowing the approval you always sought is yours'. it brings me piece knowing that a woman who had a hard deaqth found some hapiness at the end. Hapiness we could never give her.Deep enough. My brother and I agree on women usually. He has often dating the women I crush on 2-3 years after I fall in love with them. tonight at Karaoke ade sang Berlin's "Take My Breath away" And i was reminded of where I lost my slow song virginity. Int he basement of Ricky Kobyashi's farmhouse with Tracy Lopez. I fell in love with her and had my heart broken. such a pattern to start. 6 years later Brian dated her for a year. that was sort of messed up.
Crush two: brian and I agreed the blond short curvy girl at Hot Mamas pizza was bangining. thus once again proving these two scorpios think alike and are both boob men. So dam predectable, eh? Well grrrr... to all of my sexy-ass friends and those who are red-deaded and who will soon own a portrait of a cheetah butt, an ectra grrrrrrrr!
Heart,jeffrey

2006-07-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 24, 2006Post Time: 12:25 am
Mood:

Crush of the Week...

Number One:Hydration.... It turns out that aI am a flesh bag that is mostly water. Amd when I do not drink enough eveyrthing stops working. Even blood stops flowing. So i will drink more. OK body? just stop fucking complaining!Hairstylist with mussed up red curly hair. We moved my friend together and you are super cute. It was nice making small talk and being coy. waas it impressive when I lifted the couch over my head? how about when I ate sandwiches? How about whne I carried the heavy box of magazines all by myself. Hey Hey Hey look at me. Grunt. Grunt. Snort. All manly and lifting strong!!! Yeah i wasn't that impressed either. Nice to crush you though. Keep making my friend's hair cute! Mullets Ahoy!A new paul smith SuitI pass you every day at David Lawrence downstown. And now I hear they are dropping you and your brnad for some hiper fashion. Well, fuck you David Lawrence. I like Paul Smith and i want one of those suite. i will just have to rob a bank and get one before you go down that sad road to Dulce and Gabana. Boring!Crushmaster J out.

further...

2006-07-17T22:38:00.001-07:00

Post Date: April 21, 2006Post Time: 11:33 am
Mood:

Crush of the now...

You will have my heart for the next hour if you can delivery some strong hand to my neck and shoulders in the next 10 minutes. I swear my head wil esplode if this does not happen. Is this the end of Jeffrey? dah! duH! duh!

more history

2006-07-17T22:38:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 21, 2006Post Time: 10:55 am
Mood:

Crush of the week.

Orotne Roy.She is an East Indian author, and political activist. I have been listening to interviews and speeches she has given for a long time. And despite the fact the the east indian accent is one of the sexiest, and that she is a cutie herself, I am super in love with her intelligence. Her connections and interpretation of the way the world goes round make my knees all quivery. So Orotne, if you see this sometime soon, what are you doing say Saturday at 8 PM?Barbara Budd.At midnight on NPR the broadcast this show called As It Happens. It host two fo the most sarcastic women in new history. I fucking love it. And the main woman has a voice comparable to, say Kathleen turner, only slightly less sexy. I have never seen a picture of Barbara Budd, but she is gorgeous to me and I Hope someday to have her read me the news as I fall asleep. Grrr!In the vain of accents, the main voice and talking head for BBC. Crap I can not remember her name right now, but she is fucking hot. And she has the hottest English accent on the planet. So, I would ad her to the list of crushes.Girl I passed in the underground tunnel yesterday.Super cute long thick brown curly locks. Conservative work outfit, and fricking adorable. We met eyes for a second and smirked a bit. Yeah. That waa a nice start to the morning. She reminded me a lot of a girl I went on a couple fo dates with names Kate. Kate was a sweetheart and was overwhelming attractive to me. she was one of my first crushes after my 9 year relationship ended. And I thank her for the destraction.

history.

2006-07-17T22:36:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 19, 2006Post Time: 10:47 pm
Mood:

Crush of the Week.

I know this is quite often right now, but i have 30 years of crushes to catch up on. though that does no mean I will slow down when I have exfoliated. Sarah Pette. She always gave me ride to work in Olympia when we both work for the Evergreen State College Housing Dept. i was deep in a relationship at the time which had both good and bad moment. it was 5 years along and I was deeply in love.But every morning Srah would show up and make jokes irreverantly. Always dressed in Some one-armed punk rock shirt. She had the physique of olive oil and a black scenester haircut to match She had these cool messed up teeth and smoked like a chimney. And one morning I realized I was super deep in crush with her on the way to work. I got quiet and started blushing. And it took me a few days to calm my overactive heart down and accept that we were not to be. That timing was wrong. She kept me in stitches for the rest of our time working together. And eventually wnet on to sing really good Patssy Cline songs, Do Puppet shows and she got a masters in library sciences from the university of Chicago. Buboom buboom. I can hear my heart speeding up again thinking about the linbrarian thing. Geeze.

old

2006-07-17T22:35:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 19, 2006Post Time: 10:04 pm
Mood:

Crush of the Week

Bill and Joan Winden. i know this isn't as saucy as some of the crushes of the week, but these are my favorite people in the world. the sweetest old couplle i have ever met 72 and 74 years old. I can only hope that someday I gorw old with someone like these two have. When I go to the symphony with Joan, Bill always says "You be on your best behavior with my lady." It is the sweetest and most endeering thing. Recentlyl I took my friend out with this couple to Asteroid Cafe. not only was the food amazing, but bill charmed the pants off my friend. It was adorable to watch him flirt. their interactions are repetetive at this point, but the live in descent house of the edge of puget sound in olympia where she teaches voice and he paints watercolors. Is that gorgious or what. and their baby, a 3-year-old norwegian white lab. he is sweet as well and his name is Thor. The two are basically my surrogate granparents and I would do anything for them. *chorus of awwwss*

story

2006-07-17T22:32:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 19, 2006Post Time: 4:26 pm
Mood:

Crush of the hour...

Food Critics.

I worte this for Chrissie. She is a sweatheart.
A crush I acted on.

story

2006-07-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 19, 2006Post Time: 10:56 am
Mood:

Holy fuck Crush of the Week.

My first and true and only love in this world. Don't ask me to ever give her up or I will never talk to you again:Jaywalking. An art a rebellion and pretty much my expertise. I am a pedestrian extraordinaire and I enjoy making you and your car slow down for me when I cross at the wrong time in the wrong place. Don't come between me and my heart, Jaywalking.

History...

2006-07-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 19, 2006 Post Time: 12:48 am
Mood:

Crush of the Week...

Well this crushes come in three and sometimes they remind me of the past...My first ever crush: I have no recollection of the name of the move. Just the image of a short-haired woman in a cave with deep beautiful brown eyes. She was upset. And with every word that spilled form her mouth, I knew that we were meant to be together. she was in her mid twenties and I was 8, so it would be complicated. It took me weeks to get over the pining, the crying and the confusion I had about whay we could not go steady. We were in love right? And even if it were some actress in hollywood, maybe I should meet her and ask her to go stewady? When I told my friend this story, he was pretty sure it was a scene from Disney's bedknobs and broomsticks. I m not so sure. but I fear watching it again for the heartbreak would be too much.
Most people in high school or junior high are familiar with the concept of wet dreams. Well I have had my share of sex dreams, I tend to swing a little more romantic. For better or worse. ( PS Geraldo at large is a pathological wart on late night TV) I had these intense dreams about falling in love with some random person at school. And would wake up still feeling these phantom emotions. It was super depressing and much to much a relationship tease. This happened to me once my Freshman year with a girl who was not exactly someone I liked. I woke up after this romantic dream and found myself at the tail end of a love affair that never happened. With a firm memory of the vivid dream that was left tangled in reality. I spent the morning tryin to figure out how I would ask this girl who I didn't like to the next school dance. I walked arounf confused and flustered for the day and then snapped out of it and laughed it off.Those who are disturbed by nonsequential sexual dreams should stop reading now.Finally tonight on the way to Linda's(where the onyl person crush worthy was a waitress with a highly comperable tushy) I found myslef being passed by one of those extended hummers I suddenyl feel deep into fantasy... and well, how do I say this... was highly aroused. but when I looked down to the place below my belt I realized that where there once was tackle was now a large key. thsi would normally freak people out. and it should have freaked me out, but as the hummer passed I knew what I was me to do. I took one step forward and keyed the abonation with my new and improved tackle. Destryoing the sutome pain job at exactly crotch-level from bumper to bumper. I awoke form this daydream into another daydream where I had jumped on the bumper of the same hummerand was smacking the back window screaming "Who's your daddy?!" all the way down Denny. I then woke from the daydream where I was sipping whiskey by myself in Linda's watching my friends Cara and Nick dj. I was tired, and this tall adn cute waitress with a rather shapely ass was dancing in front of me while she cleaned the table. And I thought to myself 'Ah my crush'.Heart,Jeffrey

history...

2006-07-17T22:29:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 18, 2006Post Time: 10:27 am
Mood:

Crush of the Week. no.2 for this week

tonight I am crushing seriously on my long term couple friends. Sometimes I get very sarcastic about love and relationships. But seeing my friend Kate and Nick tonight and the comfort that flows between them made me happy. Plus some girl with the last name of fearson, pearson, Kirland or something like that. She was kind of adorable and I got to talk wiht her at a random biorthday party at the redwood for about 30 decond. Long enough to develop a fancy. I also really love a tofurky and swiss sandwich at 2:00 AM in the morning on a toasted garlic bagel from Seattle Bagel Bakery. Fucking so good. A major crush if I do say so myself.There is a girl who I always see from thr rebar who is super cute as well. But I have a rule crushes on bartenders have to be super super secret. so shhhh! She has a great nose amonst other body parts which I find pleasing to look at. And she seems to be good friends with many of my good friends. But here is the warning a bartender gave me once. The draw of a bartender is dangerous. People hire bartenders because they have a magnetic personailty. So they draw in the customers. Some with the pull of a black hole and the emotional availabililty of one as well. You may not come out alive or whole if you date them. These were the words from my firend Rodney. as I asked him about this girl and he said...um... no Jeffrey she will break your heart. Oh and back to the couples crushes again. I adore the awesome chubby Bear couple Garth and Tom C. Tom is a great DJ and those two seem to be adorable together. I got a soft spot for chubby guys, I consider myself the PR rep to the rest of the world. Publicist specializing in the chubby.

more history:

2006-07-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Post Date: April 16, 2006Post Time: 9:43 pm
Mood: Deep Red Lines.....

Crush of the Week...Easter Edition

Oh dear god. She was one of my earliest musical crushes, She stole my heart with every line. So I tell you now. There will never be another lady. my heart bleeds through the shirt for you for every ghostly vocal and song you deliver to the succeptable ears.

Neko Case...

You will always have my heartI know. I know. Friends have been telling me to check out the new album for a little while and I have been puting it off until now. And here I am her etherial voice wrapped around my heart promising heartbreak and delivering every time. Thank you, dear. Hold on hold on....

the Prequel

2006-07-17T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have been running crush of the week for a long time. Mostly on another fiend like site called reverb1 ewhich you woul dhave to sign up to read. Anyways, Some of them were actually good so I am going to do some archiveing of those issues now.

Issue one:

Post Date: April 16, 2006Post Time: 2:43 am
Mood:

A New column..... Crush of the week.

Welcome to my new weekly which may happen once or more times per week. here is the deal. While my friend Bee and gabriel were in town I tried to explain to them the fact that I get a lot of crushes per week. maybe like 3. Actually a bunch more than that, but I try to limit it to three now because These are feeling that I often do not follow through on and eventually have to get over. And in that way it is better for me and all parties involved. Or at least that is what I tell myself so I can get over them quicker. But while I am in the grips of a crush, Light shine down from above my big heart opens up and let's this fancy in to the center of the universe. Well sometimes I get crushes on firends, sometimes on inanimate objects, moviestars, songwriters, and many other form of things. who am I to direct such a powerful force. I just follow its painful light to the next fancy. Currently my crush mode has been turned off for a bit. So until I go out tonight, I have no new crushes at this point. So I will review just a few you have missed in the past.Previous crushes....

Rosalee the Mathematician
My accordian
The cadillac parked around the corner on Melrose.
The greyhound that scurries around my neighborhood.
Ramona the unavailable
Jamie the bass player
Jennifer the nurse
Tracy the lawyer
Girl who raps Eminem very well
Katie the accordian player
Michelle Rodriguez
Christina Ricci before

Oh dear. This could go on for a bit... I will think about it and let you know as I recall.

:EDIT:.Well the week isn't over yet, right? And I warned you I had another night to go out. I got as crush on one of the cirls at a party I was at tonight. her name, Lilly. She danced well to the hip hop. Hats off!

Issue 4

2006-07-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

Scorpios. damn it has come to my attention that a high percentage of my crushes lately have been over Scorpios. uh... damn. They are so alluring. I really need to pay less atention to the zodiac!

Issue 3

2006-07-15T12:59:00.000-07:00

I had two points last week where someone I was looking at turn from a maybe to a "I want you". One was respectable, and the other, amybe not so much.I had met thsi girl many times begfore v=ia arties and event and such. And she had always been sort of forward to me. Like she like me in one way or the other. And For some reason I was on the fence about her. Sometimes I felt attracted to her and sometimes not. Well last week I ran into her at karoke. I believe her name is Laura. the pronoun feels kind of assholea tthe moment. She was somewhat attractive to me this evening. and Seemed to be friendly. then I heard her sing. And it was beautiful. It was amazing. Soulful with power and inprovizational technique. Let's just say she blew me away and I have high standards.

And instantly in that moment she was escalated into crush. Thisin my book was a talent-based escalation and is one of the noblest forms of crush, though often not super useful in the long term relationship.

On Thursday I was hanging out with some folks at the redwood, coincidentally, at one point Band of horses came on the TV playing their hit on David Letterman. I believe the own part of that bar. Eveyone went silent that then cheered at the end. It was exciting to see them do so well. And I actually like their music quite a bit.

Anyways we were talking with a very nice girl named jenny who I thought was interesting, but had not entered into the crush realm. We did a shot of Yeager. And now my interest was peaked

Issue Zed

2006-07-14T15:31:00.000-07:00

I was going to write something more about crushes. But I am not in the mood anymore...

Issue Five-Niner

2006-07-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

Well,

I have been at work today pondering two very different angle on crushes. but all of that thouhght was swallowed up in a project I have been working on. For my day job, I create exhibit boards for lawyers to use in court cases. Right now I am blowing up pictures of a woman with a black eye. It is a simple picture, but it tell so many stories that I am both enraged and in tears looking at it. Then there is the peace on this woman's face. Peace, calm, shame, anger but mostly just a deeep fushia/purple bruise and laceration accross her right eye. each broken vessel proof of a horrile night. Or was it a day. How long ago was it? Is the other person in jail now?Did she fight back? Was this the first time? Does she still love them? How much strength did it take to finally call the police? Am I creating this board in her defense? God, I hope so.

Jeffrey

Issue 2.11

2006-07-13T10:13:00.000-07:00

I thought I understood love desire and all of that. I thought I could wrap this tiny mind around the complexities of sex and complex rhyming scemes. But last night I learned that I am but a child in a land of adults. Adults like R. Kelley. YOu know, R. Kelly. the "I believe I can fly" guy. Well at one point in the not to distant past wrote a hipopera titles " Trapped in the Closet" Last night I went to a staged reading of this theatrical feat. And well.... I have not laughed so hard in my life. R Kelly is three of the characters in this play. the narrator, The main man, and R. Kelly himself reading commentary about his own play(Which was the jewel in this crown of turds.)

This guy is getting together with a woman who has a huband who is having an affiar with nother man. The first guy then finds out his wife is having an affair with the cop who pulled him over on the way home.

the cop finds out his wife is having an affair with and incontenant midget named Big Man for the size fo this endowment.

If this play did not teach me everythign I need to know about life and love and cheating on people, then I do not know what will.

Later was the Pleasurecraft CD release. My firend invited a super awesome lady qwho is a scientist(grrr...) to the event. She was awesome and we talked for a bit and hung out. So there is definitely a crush forming there.

Plus the room was packed with retro goth scenesters. I adore this fashion for some reaosn. So I just absorbed all of the black white and red that dotted the audience.

Crush form the past.

She was the daughter of a client at our office. And was the most adorable thing I had seen in a while. She had exquisite taste and was starting a business selling pinup art patterned sheet in the 300 thread count range. She always brought me pirate pillow cases. Ah. the quickest way to my heart is through pirate accessories.

She used to come over for guitar lessons, but when she would come over we would just end up sitting around and drinking whiskey. The guitar lessons never really went anywhere. But it was a lot of fun and I was usually just happy to hang out with such a fiesty lady. So here is the SG! The older lady who will always have my fondness!

I am nursing a bit of a bruised ego as I learn how to deal with the concept of dating. The concept that you can get together with someone who is not the "one", have some fun and then move on to something else when the shelflife o that relationship ends. I am not sure if I am not wired that way or what. Anyways, let's just say that convincing yourself that you are adult enough to accept short term relationshipos for fun and sex, when you really can't is not fun. It is like riding a roller coaster where the bar isn't loose enough to let to fall out and die. Instyead You are stuck in the cart trhashing around in a way that you own weight is your enemy. YOur legs are all bruised up from the safety bar and instead of screaming fear, you scream in pain. It kind of feels like that. Let's just says for a man of man stature I have ridden a lot of roller coaster in pain. But I love them so I always come back.

Issue 1.73

2006-07-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

I quoteth the late, great Samuel Ross ( he is neither late nor great. Well actually he is great, but he is very much alive and in Portland making music)

I asked him once how his love life was...(this is a question my Grandma always asked me when I call her)

His answer

"I am married to the hideous bitch-goddess that is Rock and Roll"

Ah. Brilliance...

Anways this sets up my Crsuh of the weekend. Or more appropriately, my crushes.

I was hiding out east with a band called Brent Amaker and the Rodeo. They are a brilliant country band that completely rocks my world. It was an infrono of ta wekkend that r3etaught me the ways of old rock N Roll ethics... Hard work, controlled substances. Pornography and swimming. Each night ending is a haze of frustrated confusion from a lack of coherency. But the overall picture is this wonderfull escape fromt he job I am ignoring right now to write this blog.

With this said... I have a serious new crush on Rock and Roll..

Ihn thsi theme there was someone I had never thought of having a crush on, but last nigth I saw her sing and now I am hooked. A super soulful voice and an ability to dance. Tres Chaud! And somehow at the end of karaoke I ended up with her number and a kiss on my head. In fact it was supposed to be a short night until I saw and heard her and I totally forgot what the fuck I was doing. THe drinks flowed and I kept walking over and hanging out with her. I wonder how her boyfriend felt about that? Well as far as I can tell he is wrong for her and I am at least a little more right! Really. It is a fact. Saturday night my freiend Shanny calle dme after recording and told me she was ahnging out awith a 6' tall volleyball player. I could nto resist the opportunity to at least meat thsi lady.

She was actually quite beautiful. And if she was already being worked on by some dude from New York whilest I made Nachos, then I might have at least asked her for a kiss since she was moving back to Eastern Washington. Thanks for the flirting Shanny. It wa a great end of the night.

And finally next to my work a new high end restaurant is going in. It opens today and it is called Purple.
98 employes and many of them are quite sexy ladies.

Sometimes I love the service industry...

Till then
Heart,
Jeffrey

ahhhh. ... the pain..

2006-07-08T02:35:00.000-07:00

Being stood up is such sweet sorrow. On one hand someone you care about disssapoints you. Maybe they tap into a distant memory of a bad paren after a divorce. on theother hand wehn you go out thst night to forget. You stare at every thing with two legs and feel no guilt. Tonight. I had two amazing incidents with people that reaffirmed both my drunkeness and my love of humanity after someone I counte don stood me up and broke my heart. So this night's crush of the wek is aboutthem.

I was checking my messages and there was one that I haven't chekced in 100 days so it came back up. It was a guy who randomly dropped by my house and participated in a late night drink. His name was Josh and he left his silly punk rock denim jacket at my place.

I wrote down the number fromthe message and calle dhim out of the blue. I think it was actually at least 2000 days after the incident.

he answered.

Hey. Who is this.
jeffrey. I am friends with your friend Alex Rose.
Oh, hi.
i have your jacket still. I just came upon a veryold message and I wanted to make another attempt to reurn it to you.
Oh that is nice. But I moved to New Mexico.
Fuck!
Yeah I had to leave.
Hmmm. then I guess it is a little late...why did you leave?
My family is here and I needed to get away.
-could tell from his voice that he had broken up with his long term girlfriend and that she stayed in Seattle.-
Really I am sorry but glad for you. I am sure it is for the best right now.
I was drinking so much because my only friend was my ex and she was dating an asshole and woudl come ove a lot and cry on my shoulder about how mean he was. it was killing me.
Fuck that!
yeha It was drving me to drink myself to death.
Good reason.
So i went home I will be back in October. Can I call you when I get there? You know as a friend?
Josh, you ar enow my firend. You can call me fromNew Mexivco if you need to talk. We are bound by the story you just told me. My heart is broken for you.
Cool. Also will you mail me the jakcet.
Of course.

So that was areaffirming conversation with a person I have only met once or twice.

Secondly I bought a drink tonight for a girl who sat at the counter drinking and crying because she just broke up with her boyfriend. After a bit of mental debate. I walked over. Gave her a hug and told her that the next dirnk was on me. And that I wante dher to know thatWe out here in the rest of the world realize that she is in pain. And that she is not alone.

We can all use that recongnition sometimes.

on to the crushes.
I adore the whole staff of the bus stop to death!

i am weighing my crush options on a girl from Rhode Island. She is quite adorable.

James and I sat outside of Bauhaus today.
Fucking amazing. I counted no less then ten girls that walked by and made of stop talking. Holy shit!

You girl in the fashionable "V" stripe design. I love you and would have happily followed you up the hill like a puppy dog if there weren't these silly social policies to uphold. And well... I love you "V"s.

Also the girl outside Specialties yesterday who caused me to to do a real live actual double take. My friends could not stop laughing at me.

Sleep now. I will see you all in my dreams. PG of course.

Issue 1.3

2006-07-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Oh and I should explain now about my blogs. in case you have not read them before. I do not spell check and my grammar depending on the amount of whiskey I have indulged in, can get rather attrocious. Anyways, if you need to get on your literary high horse, copy my blog and edit it and put it in the comment field. See if I care.

The other thing for you to know is that I get many crushes per week. So prepare you self for my crush of the week to come many, many times. I am a Scorpio after all...

Issue 1

2006-07-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

Oh boy. where to begin. First of all I must explain the history of this blog. My friend Bee demanded I start this blog because she thought it would be the one and only outlet for the overwhelming amount of interrest I seem to have in the opposite sex. And some might say it is simply hormones. Others might say I am simply horny. But these crushes are often slightly heartbreaking and seem to tap into a romantic sense of love that leaves this Scorpio deep in love for just a bit everyday. Tis began when I was a young lad. I saw Bedknobs and Broomsticks and fell deep in love with the star. I knever checked back into her name, but she had short dark hear and the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen.Recently I misplaced my mojo, along with some confidence which is essential in making this blog worthwhile in reading at all. Needless to say one of the crushes work out and is ambiguous enough that it has been like wading through the muck trying to interpret actions and activities.

Anyways. It is summe rin Seattle and this place is packed with absolutely gorgious people and things that daily remind me of the dominence of biology.

Oh and a tthis point I should deifne my terms a bit. there are two predominent forces in my world right now. intellect and Biology. One constantly provided the fodder for this blog(biology) and the other is working overtime to complicate simple idlke desires enough to keep me from hooking up with every crush I have. It often keeps me from making mistakes. It also keep me from making good decision. Fucking superego!

I only have one tiny entry today. Maybe two or maybe 4.

I have a crush on many of my friends who will never work out, but what the hell. This is a tell all, and I refuse to be secretive on these god damn pages! Shyness is nice, but Shyness can stop you form doing all the things in life you want to.( but not being shy enough might break up your band because you hit on your drummer and have an uncomfortable breakup. Just a suggestion More -issey)

1) Today: I ate acc5ross from the downtown library and I watched the most gorgious picture of literacy I have seen in a while. So you girl with the pink fitted hoodies and the knee length skirt. I almost thought you were cute enough reading you book to take my friends bet and go over and ask you out. Then we could have our first date at the library and you can teach me how to read. Cause I got really stupid when I saw you.

2) Unico Employee I ran into while wearing my "Floor Warden" armband. We ran down 4 flights of stairs together during a fire drill and chated the whole way down. I am glad that neither you or I burned up or died. But I am sad that the terror of the moment didn't push us to step out onne floor early and make out in an empty lobby. I think that would have been hot!

3) Women who can rap well. Not one but two hot Eminem covers at the Bus Stop Sunday night. Just put me down softly now!You had me at "Loose your self in the moment you own it...."

3.149) And... The band crush I have on the super sweet ladies from the band Pillows. They were super cute and intelligent and some of the nicer musicians I have et as of late.

4) The girl who me and my brother rescued on Timothy Lake. You had the seetest smile and I am sort of glad you decided to swim accross a windy lake after the floating green chair that got away from you. I have never had a chance to rescue a damsel in distress in the old fashioned way before. and though I am not old fashioned myself. It was fun to play the rol for the 15 minute boat ride back to your boyfriend who stood helpless on shore. HA!

5) Jumping off cliffs into lakes and intertubing behind a speedboat! This was a fabulous return to my childhood and taught me things I never knew about centrifugal force and inflatable devices.

6) Pirates.