In threes, you bastards!, I am a murderer

In threes, you bastards!. Two weeks ago i made an emergency trip to close some old family wounds with an ill Grandma. Since then, she has passed. RIP Shirley Wilhite. My mom's mom. She made the most amazing mashed potatoes and seemed to truly love her family. My grandmother's death has drudged up many feelings about my mom's passing that have been dormant for such a long time. I am now reminded of the unfortunate fact that life is fleeting and we must enjoy the wonderful people that enter our lives for as long as we can. our opportunities are finite.

My friend Janeane just lost her sister at a young age. RIP Amy Fisher, you were way too young. Coincidentally, we are both going to memorials in different cities on the same day for different people. Sophie just received a text message saying that another woman that is way to young from her past life in Girl Scouts was diagnosed with an advanced form of cancer. She is not expected to live long. Apparently she was an amazing camp counselor and truly excelled in mentoring young girls. We need mroe folks like that. RIP.

I am a murderer.
Do to a misreading of the label on tap water treatment chemical in my fish tank, I have killed all three of our remaining fish. i am so sorry Egon and to nameless offspring.

By my count that is four. And I would appreciate if death this close to me would limit itself to 3 visits in one week. I am well aware of the direction we are all heading. I am quite content with my own mortality without you smakcing me in the face time and time again. It can get a little overwhelming to process. And it would be nice if you could give me a week or two before you visit again. At least.

Cheers,
Jeffrey

And then it was gone

This Saturday I visited my grandma after a 5 year break in relations(since my mother's memorial) 2 month ago my other grandma passed way. While at her memorial, my grandpa Wilhite showed up and informed me that my Grandma Wilhite condition had gotten much worse. He invited us all to visit her soon because time was growing shorter. A few weeks ago her steadily worsening condition started to prompt an uneasiness amongst my brothers. We sent my brother Clint in on a recon mission. He was the closest to the hospital and he had an adorable new daughter to introduce.



At the first moment I had open to visit, I borrowed a fuel effecient car and made my way south. It was a very long and nervous car ride for me to Portland. I had arranged to meet my brother Brian in Portland where we would consolidate and make our way to the ICU ward that my grandmother was staying in. We bought 'mums which we had to leave outside. no flowers were allowed in ICU. Many of our cousin's were there with kids, one of them pregnant and due a few days later. My cousingMadelience was there. She had been keeping me up to date on my Grandmas condition.

when we arrived in the room, all of the past and good and bad memories were gone. There was just the moment. my grandma, through her oxygen mask, tried to apologize for the distance between our parts of the family. Brian and I both answered the same way. I told her I knew it was more complicated than anyone involved meant it to be. But we are family and I love her. There was no reason for apologies. I told her about my wonderful new relationship and my experiences in Opera and bands. She seemed very excited about music. It was such a sweet conversation. And I felt many years of frustration and resentment melt. This fragile lady was moving towards death and she was my sweet grandma. And this was a very sad situation. i only hope that her journey through this stage is as painless as possible. I hope not to waste any more time on needless family squabbles.



Grandma was hooke dup a an oxygen machine and

32, Alan Alda

Today I logged into KUOW internet radio and to my suyprise I heard what I thought was a familiar voice. I could have sworn it was Alan Alda. And I suddenly got a warm feeling in my gut. As he told about the horrors in overseas news, I felt happy. And when the corresponent chimed off I imagined he said :This is Hawkeye, for NPR News." I am sure the name they gave this guy was not the correct one.

Saturday I turn 32. And I looking forward to a lovely evening. I will be surrounded by good friends and I will be shaking a tailfeather all night long. It should be fun.

I have been listening to enironmental scientist after environmental scientist lately. And their reports are more than enough to inpire an earth-sized form of suicide lust. There were some positives. The new economy of the next decade will be the transistion of all energy sources. The Compressed air car. "Hot Rocks" in Australia. Well. I will hold off slitting my wrists and continue to drive less and recycle. And hope tha tin the next twenty years this world does something to reverse the trend. It might be too late. We might be on our way to living on a hostile planet. Or we might actually live up to our potential.

Heart,
Jeffrey

dreamburgler

I had this rather involved dream last night about living a this awesome college style house. lots of roommates and a practice space in the basement. Apparently we were a little to loose with the locks at this place and we cam home to someone having sotle stuff. More importantly they only stole my guitars. The only irriplacable things. Then as the dream continued I found everything that was missing. I give my imagination and subconcious a 1.5 on this dream. It bored me and stressed me out. I think I need to eat spicier food or drink more befor eI sleep. Maybe I will watch a horror movie and have some sort of childhood nightmare. I mean, really. If I am going to remember a dream it better be worthy of at least a mini series. This didn't even break gorund of a Fox News Report. Though if you added that it was the dream of as neo socialist commie pinko liberal gigilo it might make for better rhetoric.

In other news Elvis Costello is slowly sneaking into my songwriting. I am quite into hooks and the more I allow mysefl to write rock and roll and play into this catchy melodic frontier the more I sound like the brit songwriter. This is strange because people think I have his glasses and beard too. But, honestly. I do not own a record and I only hear him on the radio. I like his music, but do not idolize him in any way. I am more of a Niel Diamond man myself. or Serge Gainsborg. Or Patsy Cline. If I start looking like her, then god help you all.

Cheers,
Jeffrey

Birthday month begins...

I have started late this year in promoting my birthday month. Many good friends have been having birthdays and I have been trying to catch them all. I know way too many scorpios, libras and Sagitariuses. Anyways. The day approaches. November 3rd. And though last year it was amazing to have a CD release and see literally almost everyone I know in the Seattle area, I think this year will be on a slightly lower key. And by slightly , I mean this: I am not puting on a show. I want to participate in my birthday not organize it while it happens. My birthday also coincides with the clsoing of the Bus Stop and my 6 month aniversary with Sophie. So there are many sad and happy reaosns to celebrate. Plus, my birthday is on a Saturday which is spectaculous! So here is the deal. I want to have people over to make food at my place beforehand, or maybe even we can go out to dinner. and then I would like to gether at the Bus Stop by 9 or 10 PM to drink and dance like an idiot. The Bus Stop is not the perfect spot for dancing, but as I remember on my 30th it got pretty dirty and dancy in there. so let's hope someon is spinning some booty shaking music.

I other news, I have been writing songs again. Rosyvelt has been practicing consistently and some fabulous stuff is abound. I really like taking breaks in the band because it really allows you to start anew while writing for a new album. Practices have been creative and fun and while we are all learning to play our instruments again, I am throwing out tons of song ideas and gaining feedback and ideas for changes. When I come out of there my mind is racing and I have the energy of an 8 year old.

I am taking voice lesson with one the Seattle Opera Chorus members. We arte starting to look at arias for me. "Ecco Ridente..." from Rossini's The Barer of Seville, "Un Aura Amorosa" from Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutti, "Una Fortiva Lagrima" from mozart as well. I am in the hunt for more pieces that are not Mozart,.

ope a week ago in the Weekly and it put many frustrating things into perspective for me:

___

You can probably forget being the best at anything. Chances are there's someone out there willing to devote such obsessive amounts of time and energy to your interest that you could never compete. Work on finding new standards to measure yourself against. Accept that you'll probably never be the best at any one thing without sacrificing everything else. That's so not your style; if anyone's into having their cake and eating it too, it's you. Let go of that whole concept. Instead, focus on being really good at several things you love. That'll open enough doors to keep your life interesting, and then some.
____

Tis is hard to swallow and also very releiving all at once. Since being in the opera this Summer, I have vowed to improve my voice so I may wow the panel of judges during the next audition. And I am making steps towards doing this , but for the wrong reasons. I want to be the best in the opera. ANd I am sure I could get pretty good, but I would have to give up a lot to do it. Do I want to? Amd I capable of being that obsessed? Do I want to be? I have my ladel in a lots of pots right now and I enjoy each and every one of them thuroughly. How much to I ave to give up to get better at once particular thing?

I will let you know where I come down on that in the end...

Last night Sophie and I carved pumpkins with Susannah at my apartment. And they all came out well. I am pretty sure that if Sophie and I were pumkins we would looks like this:

If you do not know who I am referring to when I say "Sophie", then this is who she is:

FInally, It has come to Sophie and y attention that we are the cutest couple n Seatle. Not by our own decision. Oh no. But by the vote of random strangers on the street. It has seriously been serendipitous how man werid people have accosted us with compliments abotu how we are their favorite couple they see walking around on the Hill. Seriously strange. But I agree. So to all you other couple, eat our dust! You better kick it up a notch if you want strangers to praise your mere existence.

Heart,
Jeffrey

PS had this awesome sexy dream about some actress coming into town. I cannot remember much about her excetp she was brunette and gorgious and that I commented to her that she looked a lot like the mother from Gilmore Girls, who I have actually had a crsuh on for a while.

I think I need to go watch an episode of Gilmore Girls....

Alaska, HIV, Fuck you June

It has been a while. And I would hang my head in hsame, but the going-on in my life have been rather demanding lately. So I will try and cram a 10 pound turkey worth of information into this 2 pound blog.

In my last blog I wrote about an interest in petticoats. It was a passsing notion a lovely lady named Sophi had given me her business card at the Crescent during my normal Wednesday night drunken outing. It occure right after I had been discussing how cute she was with my friend Joe(who happens to do the most amazing Jerry Blake impression). Well in a an extremely tired moment at worka few day later I called Sophie at her work and asked her out.

this might not be much for some, but I have only asked 1 person out on an official date before. But I wanted this to be clear and straight forward unlike the interactions most northwest boys have with women. No internet. No text messages. We went out that Saturday and the date wnet on until noon the next day. And it has been pretty damn amazing ever since. She is the most amazing girl and I can only say that I am quite happy. So for right now my crushes are overwhelmed by one major crush that has lasted two months so far. Ughhh. I am in trouble.

So that has majorloy impacted my life to say the least.

On top of that We put on the festival(Noise for the Needy).
It went well. We raised a bunch of money and had siome amzing shows!

I started practicing for the opera. It begins in August and there will be about 10 shows. you can get tickets now at http://www.seattleopera.org. You will see me for a bit in the 3rd act act sailor number 47.

Also i got as sick as I have ever been. 1.5 weeks of fever. Iwas completely useless. But I still went to work. And crazilly enough during the illness I went to Alaska. Sitka to be exact. When I rode out the rest of the illness with my father and brothers. I also caught the biggest fish on the trip a 37 pound King Salmon. I visited the emergency room because of dehydration and other fever related problems. The doctor was confused and gave me an HIV/AIDS test.

So if you haven't seen me in a while and you wonder if I am dead. Know this: i almost died, but I am very much alive and will be out again soon!

And Finally my good friends Sam and Jen had a baby girl yesterday morning. So welcome to the world Josephine Jansons!

I really look forward to not having a fever over the nxt few months and enjoying my time with my adorable new girlfriend. And I think I might make Alaska/HIV test vacations a part of my yearly routine. What fun!

runaways, grandmas, peticoats..

Please nephew, figure out what is angering you so so you can finish high school. I worry about you constantly and I am sure I can do nothing but listen. Go home and try to work it through. If I had the answer I would have given it to you. Take care and try not to do anything irreperable.

My condolences to Susannah's Grandma. I visited tonight and could do nothing but bitch myself. But all politics and heartbreak aside, your loss is my loss.

I have gained a serious respect for petticoats tonight. I think I might do something about that. cute Cute. Cute.