Delerious

it is late. and you are gorgious. and I am tired of inaction. Come over here and kiss me. So we stand bronzed in the middle of the square. A testiment to anticipation.

slow dancing...

Lately I have been obsessed with slow dancing. And for some reason random opportunities keep coming up. My first slow dance in middle School was was a girl half my heigth named Becky. In the Cafeteria to some horrible early eighties ballad. It was uncomfortable but it felt good to be something more than a wallflower at a dance. I must have been 10 or 11 years old.

There were many such subsequent situation of not real dancing until i slow danced to "Take My Breath Away" with Tracy Lopez in ricky kobyashi's basement durinng the last year in middle school. i fell in love with that girl because it didn't feel forced and it felt like my true first slow dance. I still well up a bit during that song. SInce the I have gained confidence and I am a much better dancer. I can even lead. so I take every opportunity when I slwo dance song comes on to grab the closest person who will not be offended and dance with the. And to my surpise people have been taking to it shockingly well. during my last slowdance the girl even put her head on my shoulder.It was veryendearing. And now I see that there is unending amount of people who also need to slowdance for fun and therapy. Another intereting incident was this: Me and a friend slow dancingnone style with 1 foot between. For some reason that space and structure made it all the more appropriate. And I quite enjoyed myself.

Well this one turne dout to be a ramble. But I do recommend that during the next slow song that moves you, you grab the closest person pull them close and revisit the experience.

Crushing for good part 1

Yeah it has been a while. And I have piled up a lot of crushes. I have been working on a challenge from Bee. To have crashes on peoplewho are good for me. Meaningful people who I would would want to be around attraction or not. Who do I think falls into this category? Well a few people who I might not ever hook up with, but people defintely worth admiring for a while. Currently:

Sam
Jocelyn
Ruth
Susannah
oh dear me I seem to have forgotten the rest but there are many many more. But none of them are as interesting or as worthy as these ladies.

Anyways. I cabbed someone home. The walked by a ton of fenced off buildings and I realized over the past 8 years that I now have a crush on this city.

And I got sad knowing that she is changing a lot right now. And that I might not like who she turns out to be.

i am not going home for the first Christmas in a long time. It will be weird, but I need to do this once in my life it think. Sorry dad and brothers. i am orphaning myself.

O waoted fr an hour tonight for on of my new crushes to have her birthday party. I even forsaked my first love, music. got nothing. But ran into the lovely and charming Anita. What a sweetheart.

S;eep well my pretties.

Heart,
jeffrey

Called out...

Alright ms. lavender. I will.

On December first I declared at the end of the blog that I woul dhave a crush on some people that were good for me. So I will. I will apply just the subtlist of pragmatism to my attraction. Or at least I will try. Formerly it works this way. There is a large group of crushes that I stumble upon. Some of those are the most blatent physical of attraction. Which definitely has its place. Some of those are women who push some psychological button. They tap into some emotional pattern you follow. And create some sort of desire that way. then there are thsoe who you form a connection with. And the crush and attraction develops with common interest. Mayeb the intelligence or talent changes the way you view them. Maybe those would be more pragmatic. It is probably knowing what you need and what you definetely do NOT need.

I can think of a lot of people I actually connect with now. People who I think about. People who have changed the way O think about them by showing me something. Impressing me. With humor, performance. And amazing conversation. A connection I could have with noone else. Many of these people will just be good friends and I am lucky for that. But maybe if I start excepting these crushes I might find something. Something that I am usually looking for tin the wrong place.

Dammit.

Definitely thinking too much.

high and lows...

Yeah they are both here. Sometimes the person who you are very excited to see ends up draggin you down within minutes. Or maybe it is the situation. Nonaction. Nonmovement. crushes tire me. because they involve a silence. Thus there is this blog. A voice some sort of vindication of feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I would be any better at asking the girls out I like if my father or some sort of good mail role model was around when I was 13. But instea my parents got divorced and I disowned my father as I hit puberty. Him and everything he stood for. Like rejecting half of your person. Kissing the masculine goodbye. Since then I have been retraining myself nd rebuilding the damgaged structues. If it works out I will be dating and in a healthy relationship by the year 2045.

Anyways I will spare you the details. I will spare myself the detailed. DEMONS BE GONE!@

Anyways. Striped shirt. Yes. Yes yes...

And what the hell. I spanked a spanish teacher tonight. super hot.

Was accused of being Elvis Costello and Run DMC tonight. Well fuck. Changes are a coming. I can feel them. They unsettle me at the core. My sense of security is being disrupted. That is a good thing right?

I am gonna go make sweet sleep to my bed.

The spot..

Holy crap there have been two times in the last few months where a friend has accidentally touched the most senstive art of this big man's body. It is weird I must say. Some random girl whome I met the hbus Stop was taking a picutre with me for some weird reason. And to make a funny picture she decides to nibble on my earlobe. Shivers. And I carefully hid that that was entirely sexy. Then last night I see one of my favorite people in the world and to say hello she gives me a bog hug and tears into my afformentioned eroginous zone. My knees turned to jello. And I luckily regained my senses before I fell on the culprit, flashed a smile and went back to dancing.

I love these coincidences!

Heart,
Jeffrey

Cater to me...

OK TV. You don't like me and I don't like you. But it is 3 AM and Iam waiting out a mistaken last drink tonight. so lets call a truce.

I feel like you know me so well tonight. All of your commercials are about "Lunesta" and iother prescription sleep agents.

And between those commercials lie the gem dating commercials. You know the ones that recommend that you stay in and talk on the phone instead of going out and actually fraternizing with people. ANd now the creme de la creme: Text flirting. I shit you not, folks. Pay some fucked up fucker to text flirtation emails to someone who might only not be the sex you hope they are, but might not even be human. It is probably a computer with thousands of pre-programmed messages. "Oh man, your text read really cute. You are hot. If you were here right now I know I would have to have sex with you. To bad you are a pentium 4 funning Windows 2000!.

Enough sarcasm.

I guess it was a good day. i didn't even have to use my A.K.

heart,
Jeffrey

Hmm....

I have once again alerted a lot of people to my blog. And with the mosre people I alert, the higher the chance that someone I actually have a crush on will read the blog.My good friend Bee believes this is a good thing, but it goes against my nature to be so forward in a stangley indirect way.One thing I am sur eof is this. i am tired of "Nice Guy" and "Nice Girl" being used with a bad connotation. I am tkaing back the term for the hot sexy "Nice Guy or Girl" who get passed by case people like to fuck danger more than people. So bring it one. Have a crush on somethign good for you for once. If you do it I will.